Desperate Housewives ‘Look Into Their Eyes and You See What They Know’
Air Date: April 19, 2009
Aight, kids. It’s been waaaaay too long since we last did this, and I’m extremely excited for this episode. I’m excited even though I just stopped of at Wendy’s for a Frosty, and they were all out of chocolate, so I had to get a vanilla Frosty. Why do those even exist?? But now I’m here, with Neighbor Peggy and Friend Erin, and we’re ready to see the first episode of “Desperate Housewives” in a month.
9:00: Yes! Edie’s narrating. “What can I say? It was one of those days.” The only people who’ve narrated the show have been dead. Mary Alice, Rex. Is she dee-ee-dee ded?
9:01: Yep. Less than a minute into the show, and my soap-opera-coma theory is already wrong. Edie really is DEAD dead. Wow. That’s….it?
9:02: It suddenly occurred to me that maybe this is what Dana Delany meant when she said “dead doesn’t mean dead.” Edie’s going to take over for Mary Alice? I mean, her character is totally moot at this point, right? Nicollette’s leaving the show for good, though, so maybe not.
9:04: So are we going to see all these happy stories about when Edie was fun and nice with everyone? Don’t get me wrong, I loved Edie, but she wasn’t the girl next door.
9:05: “Funny and likes to gossip? We’re going to get along just fine,” -Susan. Uh-huh. Yup. Until you BURN EACH OTHER’S HOUSES DOWN?
9:06: Thank the high harlotty heavens! Edie just said she was sleeping with a married neighbor. Good thing we’re not having happy-memory time like the 100th episode, with Eli Scruggs.
9:13: Erin has already called it that Edie’s going to be spilled everywhere. I can’t wait for that to happen. Let’s guess — she’s going to spill all over Susan? Wait a minute….hasn’t this already happened before?
9:17: I know this is an episode all about Edie, but Lynette totally stole that scene. Lynette with cancer was hands down the best plotline in the show for me.
9:18: Flat tire and everyone looks at Mrs. McCluskey. We’re all debating about who in that car has the ability to change a tire. Peggy says Lynette. I say Bree. Peggy says only if no one’s watching. Peggy says Gaby might. I make one of those noises that says “Ha! Yeah right!”
9:23: “My boobs are impressive, but they can’t bend iron bars.” Actually, I’m almost certain they could bend bars.
9:25: OK, so I’m getting the distinct impression that we’re replaying the 100th episode all over again. Only this time, instead of watching some rando (Eli Scruggs) — who we never knew existed — help the ‘wives in flashbacks, we’re watching an Edie we never knew. I’m not super thrilled with this.
9:31: Aight, I take it back. I’m fairly certain this isn’t a fond-memory show. It’s a show about Edie’s boobs. Gaby just said that if Edie jumped, the room would bounce more than her boobs would. I like that after five seasons, we’re finally calling out Edie/Nicollette’s boob job!
9:36: We’re all wondering how much of the drinks Edie and Gaby actually drank, and also, in a related story, how they’re still alive.
9:37: Aw, Edie commiserating about how she’s losing her youth. Uh…I ain’t no English major or nothin’, but I think you put an “ing” on the end of a verb when something is the process of happening. Your youth IS lost, Edie.
9:45: They’re telling Travers that Edie died. Well, I take that back. Lynette’s telling him.
9:46: What? ….what?? Traverse isn’t super sad about his mom dying. Is this a thing where the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?
9:47: Mrs. McCluskey’s grabbing Travers by the tie and showing him who’s boss. Aw, I love Edie and Mrs. McCluskey’s relationship. I’m really, really going to miss that. There’s no other friendship on the show like theirs.
9:48: I’m pretty sure that it’s not an honorable thing for Edie to give up her son to “protect him” from her, no matter how she swings it.
9:49: “What a cop out.” – Mrs. McCluskey said it, not me.
9:50: “How do you forget to bring them in??” – Peggy, about Edie’s ashes.
9:51: Oh man. I’m so excited to see where they put her. Also, aren’t they in the least bit curious why Dave’s having no part of this?
9:55: OOoooOOOOoooohh, Mrs. McCluskey is breaking my heart about losing Edie. :( …and then her door mysteriously swings open. Is Edie’s ghost is breaking into her house?
9:57: She’s eye-ballin’ Wisteria Lane. That’s where Edie’ll be dusted for her final lay. (See what I did there?)
9:58: All happy things to say about Edie, eh? Someone dies and they’re all of a sudden a saint? Like I said, I loved Edie, but she tweren’t no saint…
9:59: Edie’s voice isn’t as soothing as Mary Alice’s. Jus’ sayin’. I’m not sure I like it, if it’s going to be a permanent thing.
10:00 “It’s not hard to die when you know you have lived.”