Rompers Suck.

Sure, I love rompers … on five year olds. However, if you’re at an age when there’s no longer a risk that you will pull your skirt up to your waist and wave it back and forth at the sandbox, then maybe you should just wear a dress. You know, like a grown up. Or pants! Pants work too.

Why do rompers exist? Seriously, did someone just decide “I am not competent enough to put on both shorts and a shirt” and had to stitch them all together? And don’t tell me, “a romper is great because it’s a coordinated outfit all in one!” So is a dress. So are pants a shirt that you took five minutes to coordinate – if you want your outfit to look like a romper, you can buy the pants and the shirt in the exact same fabric. Wait, that would look silly. Oh. Right.

But at least you’d be able to go to the restroom without peeling your entire body out of your garment. Wearing a romper is like being stuck in a one-piece swimsuit every time you go to the bathroom. But maybe they’ll make you looking amazing!

Except that they won’t. Most of the rompers I see (with the exception of ones being worn by stick thin models, and if you are a stick thin model, you can wear pretty much anything and look okay) aren’t making anyone’s figure look all that great. Which sort of makes sense – I imagine the designer has to imagine how the entirety of, say, a size 8 woman’s body looks, rather than just her top. Or her bottom. Sure, that’s sort of the case with a dress, too, but a slightly flowing skirt is going to give you some leeway. And, unfortunately, people are often say, a size 6 on top, a size 8 on the bottom.

The end result is that, unless your body is exactly the same size all the way through is that some portion of the romper does not fit properly. This is why every time one of your friends tries on a romper they say something to the effect of “it was cute, but the shorts were way too short. But I bought it anyway, because I make bad decisions.”  They don’t really say that about the bad decisions though, because somehow, they see it as being okay that one entire part of the outfit fits the wrong way. This does not happen when you buy a shirt and a pair of pants. If the pants don’t fit right, you don’t buy them. If the top doesn’t fit right, you don’t buy it. This is obvious buying-things logic.

But it’s not just that the fit on them always seems to be slightly off. I think the thing about them that makes me cringe most is that they’re a ridiculously infantilizing fashion statement. They basically say “I am still a playful little girl at heart, I just want to caper with you during playtime. Math is hard!” I think for me this sentiment gets reinforced by the frequency with which women who are supposed to appear childlike and unthreatening are thrust into jumpers – remember Chrissy from Three’s Company? That girl was always in a romper. With pigtails. Do you see Meryl Streep in a romper? No. You do not. Try to imagine Hillary Clinton in a Romper. Actually, don’t. It will make your head explode.

Oh, okay, fine, those women are not commonly accepted “style icons”. Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn would eat a plate full of tacks before wearing a romper. I hope. It is at least reassuringly difficult to imagine her wearing one. Unfortunately, I can picture Katherine Hepburn in one, but I’m willing to chalk that up to her loving pants and being thrust into one by a manager who thought it seemed more ladylike.

That’s why the only adjective that ever describes a romper is “cute.” No one ever calls it sleek. Or sophisticated. Well, I suppose some people do but those are either a) fashion writers picking adjectives out of a hat or b) idiots.  That’s because it almost never (an exception is made for Dita von Teese, because an exception is always made for Dita von Teese) looks like either of those things. Best case scenario, it has a sort of childlike appeal, worst case scenario, you look like trailer trash, and, by the way, your top is about to fall off.

You don’t need to look that saccharine, kitschy cute. You’re not a kindergartner.  You don’t need someone to pre-coordinate shorts and a shirt for you. Nor do you need to be going through an elaborate disrobing ritual every time you visit the restroom. You’re an adult. Dress like one.

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    • Cassidy

      Huzzah! Thank you for voicing my opinions on the romper, which seems to be, unfortunately, rising in popularity.

    • Melanie

      This made me laugh out loud

    • Sarah

      You sound some like bitter hag who probably won’t look cute in one anyway. A.) Too lanky with a boyish, unappealing body B.) Fat and disgusting
      Rompers are cute and ultra feminine. They are great to rock to the beach during the summer. Loosen up. Why must a woman always be in a dress suit to be considered a “sophisticated woman?” Loosen up.

      • Jo

        I love how people disagreeing have already gone for the “you’re just a fat hag who has no fun” argument. But you go for the double whammy on this one — you assume not only that nobody finds fat people attractive, you assume that nobody finds less curvy, more boyish and thinner people attractive.

        You’re a moron. Just because you do not prefer a certain body type, doesn’t mean everyone and their goldfish agree with you.

        That said, rompers look awful. Period. They are just unideally constructed at the very least, and plain stupid and ugly at the most.

        This opinion has nothing to do with my ability or inability to wear them. I just think they look idiotic and every time I see someone wearing one, I think it looks stupid on them, also. Just like I’m sure your opinion depends on how you think it looks.

        But loosen up, right? In order to follow your own advice, you’re going to have to get your head out of your ass first.

    • A Man

      Rompers are sexy, and great on confident women. worn with wedge heels, they can become dressy yet casual outfit. Like anything, if you don’t feel good in something, you won’t look good. No matter how hard you try.

      Also, the woman who wrote this, probably hated thongs too. While as a guy they too can be sexy on a women (nearly any woman with confidence), with the right outfits. Oh and before I get blasted for my comments, I actually love my women to wear boyshorts more often than thongs.

    • candy

      I am 21, confident, and can pull off just about any look that I want. and i still hate rompers.

      • heather

        If you havnt notice but rompers have been in style since the 1970′s and every year they are becoming more beautiful and more popular nothing is going to change that so get use to woman dressing in rompers :) you oviosly have problems humans have the right to wear anything they want stop bein so judgmental and grow up im 18 and i love rompers they look soo good and thats your loss you cant see that

    • your mom

      seriously…..you all are haters cuz you dont look good in them…dont hate, it looks bad in rompers!!

    • Chelsea

      I look good in my romper. Of course, I am a size 00, so I suppose I fall under the “stick thin model” category.

    • Vona

      ;; Are You Mad Lol Rompers Exist For People Who Like Them Its Your Opinion But I Think Rompers Are Cute Aha Like Really Though This Article Is Stupid Different People Have Different Styles This Was A Waste Of Time

    • Lola

      :( I love my romper. Then again, I am a small Asian girl, so I do go for the cutesy look. But honestly, this felt kinda scathing !

    • Shae

      I bought a cute romper at a plus size store, it’s Zebra print. I hated it at first cuz it just looked… quite unflattering to say the least. BUT when I paired it with the right heels and an AMAZING belt (and spanx ;] not gunna lie, I love spanx haha) It ended up looking great and I get the most compliments on that outfit than others. I don’t think people should just wear a romper plain. I think that if people took the time to accessorise then they would look spectacular on anybody, the same rule applies to every outfit. :P

    • Heather

      I think rompers look so good with a nice belt and some nice shoes how could you say all this stuff about rompers when you almost see every famous star wearing one ? like kim kardashian just for example she wears them all the time and it looks stunning . I would way more prefer a romper then a skirt and shirt are you kidding ? now a days stores sells lil mini skirts that i dont lkike to wear because i have a bigger butt so the skirt would just look tiny and i would look like a skank ? and i hate long skirts unless its a pencil skirt . Rompers are cute and sexy you just gotta know how to style ! i love dresses too but hey have you ever worn a dress on a WINDY day ? NOT GOOD A ROMPER IS THE BEST INVENTION EVER ! :) and it aint childish at all

    • Kati

      Jeez come down it is a fashion, a fad, unlike your online rant. :p don’t hate on people who enjoy certain garments. I understand not everyone shares the same interest however you are talking shit about others. Can you be any more closeminded an inconsiderate?:p

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    • Jaimee

      I LOVE my romper also, but (like the Asian girl) I’m only 5’1” and I am pretty much a stick so anything that gives me some hips and boobs is my friend :D

    • Raghu Fog hmm

      Just because some people weigh more than you or anybody else doesn’t make them ugly. Anybody can wear what they want. Just because rompers are worn by little kids doesn’t automatically mean it is not for women. Rompers are cute, like you said they are described, and people like the cute looks. More for teens. I am not the most perfect in weight but rompers look good on me. I also like summery looks plus the loose rompers are really comfortable.

    • Teh

      Agreed. Quit talking shit about the author, romper-wearers who think that rompers look good are probably flat, petite women. In no other case would rompers fit properly on a decent-figured woman, and they’re so ugly!

    • thelilymayy

      I completely agree. I don’t know why these people even bothered to read if they disagreed… they’re so defensive haha :’)