• Fri, Apr 16 2010

Girl Hot vs. Guy Hot: Vajazzling

After Manhattan luxury publicist Bryce Gruber was Vajazzled last month (in which she had her lady-bits waxed, with Swarovski crystals then applied to the area), women across the nation collectively said: “What the hell is Vajazzling?”  Much uncomfortable, semi-inappropriate cocktail party chatter promptly ensued about what’s common and what’s not.  Needless to say, not everybody is on the same page.

The rise of porn seems to have separated people into two categories: those who think “completely bare” is not only common but a must—after all, feminist-issues aside, you already shave off your underarm hair and leg hair—and those who find uber-waxed women pedophile-bait and who are surprised to learn that anybody would voluntarily choose to look like a hairless chihuahua.  (Sadly, for those who choose to grow it wild and free, survey says that ship has most-definitely sailed: 70s-style bushes are out.)

I’ll wade into the TMI debate: I choose to get rid of it all, and I expected that my friends would do the same.  I feel cleaner that way, and let me tell you—it’s smoother, too.  (We’ll leave aside the issue of whether men like it or not.  Discarding the fact that, obviously, I’m a virgin, men come in all stripes: while there are those that love it, others genuinely find “completely bare” gross, which is refreshing in our porn-saturated society.)  Discovering that I’m some sort of Huster-style pioneer in a sea of triangles, landing strips and lazy bushes, however, was a bit disconcerting.  Could it be?  Am I one-step away from implants and a turn on the stripper pole?  (Yeah, methinks not.)  Still, it’s a lot of pressure to feel that I’m letting feminists everywhere down simply because I like it bare.

But most women, it seems, are settled comfortably in the “hair still there, but well-groomed” category.  As with anything, the devil is in the details, and one woman (or man!)’s neat-and-trimmed is another’s “Ew!”—in both the conversative and the liberal direction.

Judging by the reactions, giggles, and uses of the word “disgusting” and “gross” I got when broaching the topic, it seems there’s still something of the 5th grader in all of us.

At least we all agree on one thing: vajazzling is just weird.

THE GIRLS:

Ellen, 28, New York, emailed me back saying:  “Hahahaha Wow!! No. No. No. a) I don’t like the idea of anything “decorative” happening down there, it just screams girls gone wild trash. This includes tattoos, pube-scaped shapes, and most definitely rhinestones.

“Ok.  I have pretty strong feelings about this whole “Vajazzling” thing.  It’s disgusting.  I try to stay neat, but don’t go over the top (have never been waxed because the pain of it puts me off) and I will definitely NEVER put any sort of jewelry down there.  I mean, how weird is that?  Won’t it just come off?  It just grosses me out.  Seriously.  Crystals?  GROSS.” Darcy, 30, Los Angeles

b) I really don’t care for anything bedazzled and even think those rhinestone phone covers are tacky as fuck. Why someone would want to do this to their own flesh, especially in such a delicate area, is beyond me. That can’t be comfortable! Think where we would be if people spent less time thinking about ways to vajazzle themselves and spent more time trying to contribute to the world in other ways.”

Ray, 32, is an actress from the South, and says:  “I wouldn’t vajazzle and think it’s crazy. I prefer to groom, but not completely bare. Just cut really really short, and shaved in places.  Mike thinks bare or little hair is best. He thinks vajazzling sounds weird. And he does mangroom. (But don’t tell him I told you that one!)”

Hannah, 28, from Chicago, admits she’s gotten a little playful before:  “I always keep myself neat and well trimmed.  I prefer a nice triangle to the ever popular “landing strip” or “12 year old girl” (aka totally bald).  I think my husband would be totally confused if I vajazzled, but I have dyed my down theres hot pink and electric blue before.  That was fun – kind of an Easter surprise.”

Kelly, 27, New York, says: “1. It seems like quite a bit of nuisance down there. I walk a little funny when I have busy lacy undies up in there, I don’t imagine that having crystals on your hoo ha is going to be very comfortable.  As for completely bare, also not the biggest fan. I don’t think any lady needs to look like a 5 years old. I am a big fan of the once every three weeks groom, but advocate keeping a little something there to show you’ve hit puberty.”

Leslie, 29, Washington DC, writes: “I have never had it done, but I admit – I’m intrigued. Is it really much different than what samantha on satc did years ago? I’m currently in a sex desert – but if I had someone to spice things up with, I’d totally want to try it once!”

THE GUYS

James, 30, from San Francisco says:  “This crystal trend sounds pretty horrifying. Waxed bare also creeps me out (I don’t like feeling like a child molester in the bedroom). My preference is a bit of tasteful trimming, as trying to navigate through dense jungle is also unappealing.”

Ben, 27, Los Angeles, says: “I am not crazy about the Vajazzling…kinda too much.  However, I do love the fully waxed look!   (My girlfriend is totally bare.)  As for me, I don’t wax personally but I keep it pretty clean down there…shhhh. Ha ha.”

I repeatedly texted my friend Fred, 28, New York, until he finally replied, “I like barely anything or nothing at all.  And a 70’s bush would be a deal breaker!”  When I pressed him about the Vajazzling, he replied, “A lil’ bling bling could be fun!”

Mike, 32, a comedian in Los Angeles, writes, “I’m old fashioned.  Don’t like vajazzling.  Don’t like completely shaved.  I don’t like bikini waxes or Brazilians or landing strips.  I prefer lightly trimmed, neat…But believe it or not, a 70s bush would not give me the creeps.”

Cam, 33, Denver, texted, “That’s hilarious!  Just a little patch is perfect.  Just enough so it still looks like  a vagina.  But not so much that it looks like a little animal.  Of course, different hair cuts for different shapes can come into play.”

And finally, Ryan, 27, Dallas, weighs in on Vajazzling, waxing, mangrooming, and the whole shebang:  “That’s a bit weird but I can see how women would at least want to try it once in their lives.  I don’t think I’d like how it feels on my body, if it were me.  Especially when hair starts growing back after having waxed it all off.  Very strange and unnatural to have crystals glued to my body.

But as far as from a guy’s point of view, I’d probably find it attractive or intriguing for about the first 5 minutes of learning that it’s there (on a woman).  Then from there the novelty would wear off and then it would just get weird.  I mean, think of being naked with someone who’s got Swarovski crystals glued to their lower section.  There’s touching and friction and all that stuff… and with crystals there, I’m not sure I’m on board with the idea at that point.  Ideally, if I had my way I just prefer a well-groomed area down there.  Not big on 70’s style animal growth and not big on fully-shaved either.  Anything in between is fine really.

I myself am not all that hairy a guy so I typically do manscape a little but not all that often.  “Down there” I’ll never use a razor but I’ll get out the clippers with the short-hair attachment on it… but that’s as far as I feel I need to go.  And I probably don’t do it more than once a month.

So yeah… interesting.  Vajazzling.”

The verdict?  Do whatever you want, whether your guy likes it or not…since it seems nobody can make up their collective mind!

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  • dawnrh

    I’m thinking…no way. I read about this on The Beauty Girl a month ago. Evidently, Jennifer Love Hewitt is totally into this. http://thebeautygirl.com/?p=2909 It’s an interesting/strange discussion, though.