• Fri, May 14 2010

The Manswer: Dudes Love Breasts, But Don’t Really Care About Bras

Tit. Boob. Pap. Tot. Simple. Round. Palindromic. I love them. And I love them for their simplicity. Man has fixated on the sweatercow since the birth of humanity for one reason: breasts are simple. Magnificently so (especially considering what else you’ve got). Like most men, I believe that if I had been endowed with breasts, I would never leave the house. I would have had no method of socialization. All I’ve done in my life is somehow linked, however elliptically, to the pursuit of opening the world’s beknockered doors.

If I had chesticles, I’d blog about them. And since Lilit Marcus has admirably done so, I must commend her righteous takedown of those foolish fashion minds who are trying to complicate my…er…your breasts with gadgetry.

Have I, upon gawkishly disrobing a woman, ever been disappointed with the outcome? No.

The stimuli attached to the sight of bare breasts, for most of us, makes Pavlov’s dogs look like bitches (you know, unless the dogs really were bitches of course, in which case, they’d have tits and out of sheer love we’d never slight them), and thusly, a guy is likely more grateful to have your bra finally off than he is obsessed with noting actual breast size versus predicted breast size or considering the dynamics of gravity. As far as I am concerned, anything done to further complicate my simple pleasures is unwelcome.

But in thinking about the intentional deception of men re: boobs viz. magic bras, I contend that we don’t really notice. I’m not sure it makes a considerable difference in whom we choose to approach on subways or at synagogue. To be honest, there really is only one kind of woman we’re pursuing strictly for the white meat. She’s definitely not reading this entry about bras (she may not even be literate), but she’s the one who practically wears her breasts outside of her shirt. She unpacks them on the bar. And in that case, there really are no surprises.

I should note that it certainly is mean of women to mock men for things like toupees, hair plugs, cucumber inserts, and the like when this substrata of feminine augmentation goes seemingly unnoted and unridiculed by men. I’ve been privy to (and abreast of) a lot of dude conversation and I’ve never heard a complaint about seeing a breast.

So ultimately (read: as usual), it’s all about you. I say if wearing your magic bras make you more confident then go for it. While I wish they were mine, they’re not. They’re yours.

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  • Trilby

    Are you referring to push-up bras?

  • themanswer

    Yes, well, among other things. Lilit’s original article was about the wonderbra.

  • djreplay

    I heartily disagree. Though the wonderbra is certainly one of the leats attractive garments in a long time, more traditional bras are very appealing and even satisfying (when worn properly of course). The wonderbra seems designed to make breast implants more acceptable and common place. However they immediately look unfeminine, unreal and inhuman. A tight t shirt and a wonderbra looks like two grapefruits just below the shoulders. They are too round to be appealing.
    Though most natural breast are not tapered and perfect, this is the shape of femininity…and size does not matter (take Elle May Clampett or I Dream of Jeanne for example. Just watch a man as he passes by the TV during one of these appearances.
    The “torpedo, Cross Your Heart or 3 section cup fully bras” take the anatomy and shape into a truly appealing profile. Under a sweater, a formal gown or plain shirt, the gentle taper is flattering and difficult to resist.
    The real shame is that noticing and commenting will usually bring unfair criticism and guilt to any man that mentions it. He will be accused of being a pig or some other sort of degenerate so we keep quiet and pretend that we don’t have preferences in this area. Like make up. What man says “I love the way her make “up looks?”. None. What man continually sneaks peaks at the woman in the brightly colored lip stick and eye shadow?….all.
    I hope the traditional profile becomes popular again and the round balls on woman’s chests go back to the softball field, where they belong.

  • Angel

    Having a nice looking and well rounded breasts is like having a new BMW… Its so powerful… And they are bigger with each generation. Man love that fact
    http://healthybeauty2.blogspot.com/2011/03/womens-breasts-are-bigger-with-each.html

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