• Fri, May 21 2010

Happy Birthday And Thanks For The Ewok Sex, ‘Star Wars’!

Today is the Empire Strikes Back’s 30th birthday! On that note, here is a story:

We once knew this guy who was sleeping with a girl who refused to spend the night at his apartment. At first that was fine, but eventually, he said “hey, I’d really like to spend the night at my place. Is that okay?” The girl said “oh, it’s just, I really have this thing about how I sleep…” and he was all, “Oh, do you need your own bed?Because that is the logical assumption! And she said “no, I need my stuffed Ewok, Wicket.” At first he thought she was a furry, but she wasn’t. And then she carried the Ewok over to his apartment in a crib so it could watch them having sex.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth Richard who does a serviceable Yoda impersonation and a remarkable Jawa one, has this story, also about an Ewok:

I woke up one morning at age 8 and asked my mom to take me to the hardware store so I could buy a few feet of chicken wire, then disappeared into my room for a few days with a bucket of paper mache, and when I came out I had a life size figure of Wicket (thanks for his exact height, Complete Guide to Characters!), but needed help with a hot glue gun to get the fur on, then I went into a family friend’s wood shop and fetched some arrows, made a bow, and sewed him a cape, and finally I stuck him in the closet out of social embarrassment and he ended up being eaten inside-out by some kind of insects.

Without Star Wars, these stories would not exist. Also, Elizabeth is not the woman in the first story.

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