• Thu, May 27 2010

Forget The Cougar. Meet The Calico.

So, we’ve got cougars (women over forty who date men 15 years their junior, or actually, just women over forty who like to wear animal prints or watch Courteney Cox, or something). We’ve got pumas (women in their 30′s looking for younger men). We’ve got cheetahs (cougars or pumas having extramarital affairs). We’ve got Sabertooths (women in their 60s and above looking for younger men).

But what about the oft overlooked group of women in their early twenties who lust after men ten years younger than them?

Meet the Calico!

As soon as Brittany on Glee announce that she was dating a 7 year old on her brother’s soccer team that was “so hot” Calicos everywhere mewled in recognition. Doesn’t everyone want to step into Tavi’s romantic shoes? (For Tavi to be a Calico, she would need to date a 3 year old.) Certainly, the organizers of the First Kiss event who labeled 14 year old Spencer Tweedy a “Future Dreamboat of America” do. Future!? How about right now!?

Lilit Marcus notes “if it works for Brittany on Glee, it works for me. At least he hasn’t slept with any of my friends!”

You will perhaps note that, like calico cats, the Calico can only be female. Because among men, being that guy in  Grad school who dates a 15 year old is creepy and weird. Also, some people call it “pedophilia.” Those people can’t understand what love is. Don’t worry – it’s cute when women do it. Because female sexuality is funny and whimsical like a cat chasing a butterfly! And then eating it.

Calicos can help sate their lust for teen dreams with sites like In-n-Out Bieber (that will let you know precisely how long you have to wait to tousle Justin Bieber’s weird bowl-cut) and old issues of Tiger Beat. Also, therapy sessions. Lots of them.

“Some people say being a Calico is wrong” says a fictional person I made up because this is obviously a fake trend “but those people are usually legal authorities.”

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  • eEv

    OK, you scared me for a minute. Very funny.