• Wed, Jun 2 2010

What If Most Of Your Friends ARE Guys?

You know who often seems really horrible? Those women who proudly announce “I don’t have any female friends.” Because, you know, they’re a magical pixie muse who is too singular to hang out with other girls sipping cosmopolitans and bubblegum martinis. Those girls, they’re the worst. Don’t the realize that you’re a uniquely magical pixie muse, too? But then, I think there are times you can end up being one of those girls for reasons that don’t include hating-women-and-thinking-you’re-specialer-than-them. Because I did.

For the first few months after I moved to the city, all my friends were guys. Well, at least all the friends that I actually saw in real life. It wasn’t because I didn’t want female friends. I love having female friends. I love bubblegum martinis (yes, they’re real, and I am their sole target market). But I was working freelance, and didn’t know many people in the city and I’m sort of shy and lame and my idea of a good night is to stay home and watch 7 hours of The Tudors.

That said, I joined groups! I went out! I made the effort to meet people that you’re supposed to make. And I met lots of women I liked, and we became facebook friends, but when they called me to go out often I kind of balked because oh-god-what-was-I-going-to-say-to-this-stranger-in-a-coffee shop? So I demurred (I had a cold, I was tired, whatever) and those fleeting connections kind of faded away.

Men were more persistent. I didn’t want to go out tonight? That was cool, I could go out with them tomorrow. I was tired? I needed to stop being lame and get up and meet them and their friends for drinks. I made it clear that I wasn’t really looking for a boyfriend, but it didn’t matter. Maybe it was just that men are trained to be less polite than women, or more aggressive, but whatever, their approach meant that I didn’t really have the option of second guessing myself constantly. So I started going out with my male friends, and it became comfortable. Eventually, through their circles, I started to meet more women I saw regularly and became friends with. Still, my best friend is a guy I met about two months into my stay in New York.

Maybe some of the women who talk about how “all their friends are guys” aren’t just assholes who hate their own gender. Maybe some of them are just in a position where, for whatever reason, making friends with men is easier. And when a woman says “all my friends are men” what she means isn’t “because women suck” but, “I wish I had more female friends.” At which point, you can reply “cool. My friends are guys, too. Bubblegum martinis?”

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  • keebo

    Oh thank god. Thought this was a “bash” the chick with too many guy friends. You’re right about guys not letting you come up with lame excuses to not hang out with them. I think male and female friends have their pros and cons. I love being friends with guys because I can agree to disagree(they will let things go quickly) and want to keep the conversation light. Women? You can have deeper talks.

  • porkchop

    thank you! I had girlfriends in college and it was heaven, but I’m usually too intimidated by women to make friends. I’m not very good at politeness or subtlety…

  • ccmemom

    I can’t help it i am one of those women who has almost all guy friends. I grew up with 5 older brothers and several boy cousins, so it just came naturally. I even married my brothers best friends. The few girlfriends that I do have have been a huge part of my life and a cherish them desperately. But men seem to suit my abrasive personality a little better. It’s just who I am.