• Mon, Jun 7 2010

Brutally Honest Sex Advice

I don’t care if you think you’re a Samantha or not — this headline is hilarious.

Here’s How to Hate Sex Less

Ah, the brutal honesty! It’s from Mom Logic, and the advice is intended, as you may guess, for mothers. Now, before you get your panties in a wad and say that it’s an outdated notion that women hate sex, consider for a moment the reality that some women actually do hate sex. Then consider the fact that those women are constantly bombarded with ideas for how to be hotter, how important sex is to a relationship, and that even if you’re as hot as Tiger Woods wife, guess what? You still get cheated on. So yeah, if I were that woman, I’d want to roll around in this headline like I was Scrooge McDuck and this was a big room full of money. Besides, dismissing stereotypes altogether is just as invalidating as it is to apply them with broad strokes.

Unfortunately, despite it’s promising beginnings, this article goes on to just trot out the old advice to women on how to have better sex, and frankly, it’s all pretty unrealistic. There’s the old suggestion to just have sex and you’ll want to have more sex; to get to the gym and start to feel good about yourself; and of course — get him to pitch in on the chores!

OK. Yeah. All well and good, but I think it’s not that women don’t know about doing these things, but that they either don’t want to, don’t have time, or don’t really give a shit. If it were as easy as “getting to the gym!” I’m sure most moms would have done that by now. But their complaints that apply to sex — no time, no desire — probably apply to the gym as well. And what about an article for men about foreplay, that dreaded word that has come to only mean that you aren’t a porn star who is dripping wet every moment of every day? I’m going to go ahead and say that a little oral or even a back rub would get most women hotter than a fucking turn on the treadmill.

Then there’s that other point that’s always rolled out in magazines and advice columns about how you can’t change men…so if he’s not doing the dishes now, he’s probably not going to do them tomorrow. And even if he does, nagging him to do them is not a huge turn-on, even if they get done in the end.

So what’s the answer? Find someone with a sex drive that’s compatible to yours? Accept the challenges of marriage? Bitch and moan to your friends? Get divorced? There really is no good answer…but maybe a little shared responsibility is a good place to begin.

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  • Lilit Marcus

    This article’s headline bummed me out. I mean, there are definitely days when you are less enthused about sex than others, but if you don’t actually LIKE sex you shouldn’t be having it.

    • Jennifer Wright

      Honestly? There have been plenty times I’d rather read a new copy of a magazine or watch Law and Order. But I’ve felt like telling my partner, “gee, I would, but there’s a really good Shouts and Murmurs in the New Yorker” is just… not even remotely appropriate. Pretty much because I’d cringe if they ever did that to me.