Airplane Attire: Do’s and Don’ts

Normally, I find do’s and don’ts, like the ones in Glamour, insulting. I mean, must we openly hate on other women, in public, and in print? Doesn’t that seem…I don’t know…divisive?

Well, that’s why my do’s and don’ts of airplane attire will have nothing to do with what I find fashionable, and more to do with what I believe will aid you in your travels. These, I think, will be also applicable across genders.

1. Take it easy on the perfume/cologne, or maybe you even forgo your signature scent for the day. No one on the plane really needs to have their olfactory glands trained to remember you by smell, after all, and you might give your neighbor a headache.

2. Layer! You will thank me for this. It may be cold on the plane; it may be hot. It may be cold where you’re going; it may be hot. You likely won’t know any of these answers until you set foot on the plane and subsequently arrive at your destination. Therefore, a light yet substantial scarf, and perhaps a long sweater or even a lightweight jacket are in order.

3. No Daisy Dukes. Don’t get me wrong — I like Daisy Dukes. But if I wear Daisy Dukes and you wear Daisy Dukes, guess what might happen when we’re stuffed together on a cross-country flight? Our legs will touch flesh to flesh for six hours. Gross.

4. Don’t go the sweats-only route. I’m not a let’s-hearken-back-to-the-old-days-of-traveling person, but yesterday while boarding an aircraft I had the unpleasant misfortune of seeing some chick’s ass crack while she bent over to take her shoes off. So I don’t care what clever tagline you’ve managed to purchase as an ass-banner — unless you’re under 4, this look is a no go.

5. Please try to pack your cowboy boots, knee-highs, thigh-highs and booties. You will — yes! you will! — hold up the security line trying to take them off, and come on, man. It’s not like you didn’t know.

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    • Lilit Marcus

      Could not agree more with #5 – but I will add one thing. Do not wear flip-flops or other shoes without socks, because bare feet on the gross airport floor is not OK. If you’re flying to Hawaii and only brought sandals, bring some socks with you just for the security line.

    • corporate tool

      I was with you until #5 (sorry Lilit), but I’m not taking up precious suitcase space/weight in order to save you 30 seconds on the security line. I often wear my bulkiest footwear on the plane so that I don’t have to carry it/lift it instead.

    • Jessica Pauline Ogilvie

      Corporate tool, I know you do! And that’s exactly why I included #5! In fact, tool, I used to BE you, until I realized that I was – if you’ll allow me — a tool for doing so, because not only was I holding up the whole line, but it was a pain in the ass to remove my boots and then put them back on again while trying to keep an eye on my shit, stay balanced, not have a boob fall out since I had to remove pretty much all my clothing, and keep track of my boarding pass and ID. Slip-ons are really just much easier, and one usually has more room in one’s suitcase than one thinks.

    • Another Jessica

      If you are any good at traveling you won’t hold up the line at all taking off your shoes, even if they’re thigh-highs (but really? thigh-highs?). Are you the kind of asshole who doesn’t take off your shoes until right before you walk through the metal detector? Or the kind of asshole who can’t take their computer out of their carry on until it’s time to put both on the conveyor belt? If so, #5 is for you.

    • Outshined

      Normally I would agree with you on the “why hate on women” thing but if it weren’t for Glamour do’s and don’ts I would still have panty line. They had a tv show, the top 100 and I live by it. I’d die if I ever got a black bar on my face.