Normally, I find do’s and don’ts, like the ones in Glamour, insulting. I mean, must we openly hate on other women, in public, and in print? Doesn’t that seem…I don’t know…divisive?
Well, that’s why my do’s and don’ts of airplane attire will have nothing to do with what I find fashionable, and more to do with what I believe will aid you in your travels. These, I think, will be also applicable across genders.
1. Take it easy on the perfume/cologne, or maybe you even forgo your signature scent for the day. No one on the plane really needs to have their olfactory glands trained to remember you by smell, after all, and you might give your neighbor a headache.
2. Layer! You will thank me for this. It may be cold on the plane; it may be hot. It may be cold where you’re going; it may be hot. You likely won’t know any of these answers until you set foot on the plane and subsequently arrive at your destination. Therefore, a light yet substantial scarf, and perhaps a long sweater or even a lightweight jacket are in order.
3. No Daisy Dukes. Don’t get me wrong — I like Daisy Dukes. But if I wear Daisy Dukes and you wear Daisy Dukes, guess what might happen when we’re stuffed together on a cross-country flight? Our legs will touch flesh to flesh for six hours. Gross.
4. Don’t go the sweats-only route. I’m not a let’s-hearken-back-to-the-old-days-of-traveling person, but yesterday while boarding an aircraft I had the unpleasant misfortune of seeing some chick’s ass crack while she bent over to take her shoes off. So I don’t care what clever tagline you’ve managed to purchase as an ass-banner — unless you’re under 4, this look is a no go.
5. Please try to pack your cowboy boots, knee-highs, thigh-highs and booties. You will — yes! you will! — hold up the security line trying to take them off, and come on, man. It’s not like you didn’t know.