I bet Burt Reynolds has just been kicking himself for the past 5 years for not taking a patent out on that fucker. And by “that fucker,” of course I mean his iconic facial hair. Who knew that his monstrosity of a bad joke about oral sex would come to have such an iron-clad grip on the hearts of hipsters everywhere? Surely not him. In fact, I bet Burt Reynolds would have punched a hipster in the face if given the chance in his heydey — now there’s some irony for you.
At any rate, if you’re looking to really beat a dead horse, you can buy this necklace (featured at left), pair it with a moustache trucker hat, and do that hilarious thing where you draw a moustache on your hand and hold it up to your face! All night! Coincidentally at a bar with a photo booth, cause that makes it look way cooler! And if you’re the kind of hipster that’s out to prove that you’re even more hipster than the next hipster, you can TATTOO a moustache on your hand. That way, your grandchildren will be forced to face the fact that they have douche in their blood, and you will wind up owing your entire family for their therapy bills for generations to come.