• Thu, Jul 1 2010

The Fast Track to Wealth: Get Kidnapped

Honestly, why didn’t I think of this? Jaycee Duggard, the 29-year-old mother of two who was held captive since the age of eleven until last year, is likely to receive a $20 million settlement from the state of California.

The funds are apparently to compensate for what her lawyers call a lack of oversight of her kidnapper and the father of her two children, Phillip Garrido. It will also cover therapy bills (barely, I’d say) and compensate her for her and her children’s lack of education. Because when you’re that rich, you don’t need to know anything except the phone number of a good accountant.

So this is the state’s way of washing it’s hands of the whole mess, avoiding having anyone point the finger back at them and also steering as clear as possible of scrutiny by the rest of the country. So it may take a few years of enslavement behind a shed, but if you have the means and the patience, you too could find yourself very wealthy one day.

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