• Tue, Jul 6 2010

Do You Ever Hate Women Because They’re Beautiful?

Look, I am not someone who is going to hate on Kelly LeBrock because she’s beautiful.

As a general rule, I like pretty women. I mean, I don’t like them just because they’re pretty – though actually, I probably held off on thinking Megan Fox was crazy longer than I would have if she weren’t so much fun to stare at. But I will happily compare the relative merits of Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson with my male friends (Angelina Jolie is clearly more beautiful, though Scarlett would probably be cooler to hang out with). I have a bunch of female friends that are, by any standards, really good looking.

Yeah, I don’t hate on women because they’re beautiful.

Until, apparently, I do.

I was walking into my apartment last night. I was feeling good! I looked cute! I was actually having a little self-satisfied moment thinking about how I looked cute that day. And then the most beautiful woman in the history of the world walked out of my building. I think she may actually have been that girl who plays the bitchy girl on 90210.

She looked kind of smug (in reality, she was probably not even remotely smug. She was probably off to spend time with her aging grandmother before working at homeless shelter). And as I walked in, I got to listen to the group of guys in the lobby talk about how maybe she lives in the building. And how maybe she is a Victoria’s Secret model.

I realized that not only was I not as beautiful as that woman, there was no amount of plastic surgery that could ever make me as beautiful as that woman.

And my first thought was “fuck you, bitch, I hate you.”

I felt guilty about it about five seconds later. It seems like a stupid, pre-feminist cliche to hate someone because they’re prettier than you are. I’d probably like her if I met her! And umm, sisterhood, or something like that! And it is stupid. More stupid, say, than hating someone because they’re smarter than you, or richer than you, because those things will last while beauty fades for everyone. Except the woman who lives in my building. She’ll probably be one of those old people  models. Bitch.

I checked in with females around the office. They can pretty much all think of at least one woman they hate because she’s beautiful. I checked in with males. They remark that they assume that if a man is better looking than them, then it’s cool, because they’re probably more charming (no, they weren’t joking). Furthermore, that as a man you want to hang out with good looking guys, because they’ll help you get girls. To be fair, that’s definitely not the case when you’re going out with women, because most men will probably angle for your more attractive friend.

Still, it’s probably something that, as women we should have evolved past. Or at least be confident enough not to jump to a “bitch, I hate you” place. I mean, I think Dove taught me that all women are beautiful, provided we’re all dancing around in our underwear and have flawless skin, right? Still, a little part of me is going to hope that, like Kelly LeBrock, that model in my building ends up with hopelessly outdated hair in her old age. At least until I actually meet her and she turns out to be a nice person.

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  • Sarah

    As a woman, I’d say that it’s okay to hate a beautiful woman if she’s a) crazy, b) mean, c) dim-witted and/or d) a talentless hack. Otherwise, you kinda have to tolerate her.

    • Eileen

      Yeah, but aren’t those reasons all generally grounds for hating un-beautiful women, too?

  • Keebi

    Use to be that way when I was younger. I think it’s the instinct of competition. The instant gratification of attention and admiration that occurs when a beautiful person is around. You feel jealous and insecure because you made up this story where the pretty person will always have the best in life by simple existence. After watching and being friends with some of these pretty people, I learned everyone have their own problems in life and that being who I am have great advantages compared to others. Of course, once in a while, I still look at a random skinny young beauty… I compare myself . Ah well…I’m human and a woman?

  • anonymous

    I can’t say I ever have. Sure I’ve wanted to be much more attractive then I am but that desire has never resulted in jealousy or hate towards beautiful women just because their beautiful.

  • Michelle

    Oh, I definitely have those moments ALL the time. I’ve had self-esteem issues for forever, and I can’t help but be intensely jealous of any woman I think is more attractive than me (which is most of them.) However, I am very good at curbing those jealous “OMG BITCH I H8 U” moments, much like you did in your example. And I make sure I never let it affect the way I treat those women. But I still can’t stop the immediate reaction of jealousy and hatred from happening. I don’t like it, but there doesn’t seem to be much I can do. Hopefully one day, after enough reminders to myself I’ll kick the stupid habit :\

  • heather

    milla jovovich = pretty

    angelina jolie = needs a few dozen hamburgers and get her lips reduced…not pretty

    • Jennifer Wright

      Wait, have you seen Angelina’s Jolie’s cheekbones on the Vanity Fair cover? Or Angelina’s face on the cover of Vanity Fair? She’s gorgeous.That said, I love the 5th Element enough to say that Milla Jovovich is almost as pretty.

  • Emily

    It is an unfortunate byproduct of our (yeah, I’m gonna say it) patriarchal society that pits women against each other in the competition for the almighty Man. We’re trained via television, other media, and even our foremothers that this is both expected and NORMAL. Men aren’t inundated with this type of ideology, hence the vast difference in responses.
    I’m trying to train myself out of is by catching myself when I think “Ugh, stupid pretty bitc-… DNA! Yes, DNA! Congratulations on your lineage!” I’m not sure if it’s working, but at least it reduces negativity.
    Or something.

    • Shari

      LoL right on !!!

  • Chris

    Women are hard-wired to hate other women. A recent study found that 75% of men would leave their current companion if they found a more attractive option. Men don’t hate more attractive dudes because it takes a whole gang of us to bring down the mastodon so we have to work in packs. Plus women are less likely to use looks as a sole judge for determining who they bang. They want to find a guy who can protect their offspring and offer a better chance of survival not just a pretty face. Sorry ladies, you can fight it all you want but millions of years of evolution have taught you to hate other dames and it’s not changing any time soon!

    Mud wrestling anyone?.

    • Shari

      Most of the time the MORE ATTRACTIVE OPTION will end up leaving him for a younger,hotter,sexier man or one with more money lol….

    • Cait

      Chris that is the dumbest most simplistic explaination. Ridiculous. Your talking about a subject obviously you know nothing about. Where is this recent study? What a joke, I have a lot of guy freinds who are very handsome with not so attractive girlfriends, in fact it’s very common so you really have to get out of the stone age.

    • Bubbles

      Chris
      Women go for looks too. We have eyes. We don’t need to be looked after. We now make the money we need ourselves. That’s why we are now dating younger more attractive men. Get out your moisturiser, honey. We are not all in love with whatever you see in yourselves.
      Yes, I agree plain women don’t like attractive women, but the rest of your argument doesn’t hold any longer.

  • huh

    I always thought Jolie had a guy face…..ugly. Anyway, it’s normal for a women to not like women who try to be more beautiful the the next women. Her efforts are not appreciated or admired, because she is potentially a threat or already does take her man’s attention away and onto the ‘work of art’ (so to speak). It makes any normal women feel like hamburger, while he thinks the other women is steak. It’s normal and not hard to understand. Women don’t want to feel like the hamburger and if our guy makes us feel that way, by his “I can’t help it” (hah..) ways of LOOKING, etc. then of course it upsets us and it SHOULD. Get rid of him then. Don’t put up with that crap. What is in the mind is just as bad as the physical. We don’t need someone in our lives that make us feel ugly. We can do that ourselves. They are in your life to make you feel good and if they don’t?….bye bye. Also, we don’t actually hate the women themselves ( well, some perhaps, if they over due it or are flirting, etc.), we hate the attention they get from everyone and especially men (our men). Good reason as any to hate it.

    • Shari

      There is never a good reason to hate anyone because of their GENES …as a matter of fact ALL men unless they are gay or dead check out other women no matter what their woman looks like…men are visual and it doesnt matter what you look like,I can tel you that 90% of the time you are making love to your man he is thinking of someone he saw that day. Thats just the way it is.
      As far as beautiful women TRYING to look that way…the true natural beauties usually try to play it down so other women dont feel so threatened. I never want to make another woman hurt…I know pain. Face it…we are never quite good enough for our men …we cant change to be that perfect playboy model that really is just a normal girl with lots of makeup and airbrushed pics…any woman can look good in a MENS Magizine lol

  • Ruth

    What a bunch of nasty bitter and envious b*****s you lot are. It’s just too bad if someone is more beautiful than you, get over it. I think for someone to hate on another or make their life hell because of their looks is just plain warped. You are a buch of pyschos, no wonder you can’t hang on to your men.

    • Shari

      YOU ROCK RUTH ….bet youd be a great friend to any woman !!!

  • Shayn

    I guess it’s natural to have a defensive response to a supposed threat, but I have never felt threatened by other women. If a girl is prettier than I am, it makes me sad for her, because I know other girls must hate her and every dick out there wants to bang her and leave her. Being the hottest girl in the room has to be awful.

    • Shari

      Well said ! and very true !!!

  • Shari

    I am a 49 almost 50 yr old woman who lived life being” HATED “by other girls and women…still am treated like I have the plague :(
    When I was a young girl I had only 2 friends …both outcast as I was but for different reasons..one was very strange looking(pretty to me) the other …very very tall…not so pretty.But they were the only friends I had because they knew what It was to be “invisable”so it seemed. I was hated even by women in my family,even my own mother. Sad but true…I had no clue why noone liked me…I didnt see pretty when i looked in the mirror. When I got older I asked my husband why he liked beating me and especially bruising up my face…his reason “because your so damn pretty ”
    As I sit here ,alone,in my small home with only a cat as a friend…I am sad and lonely. I have noone who calls to check on me…nonone who asks me over for dinner ( they are afraid their husband or boyfriend will look at me ) Noone who will sit beside me at church and i always see women hit their men and watch them closly as I walk by in the grocery store. I am sad and alone, i feel empty and outcast by the world. None of my so called facebook friends even comment or post on my wall…i believe none of them instigated the “friendships” it was all my doing. I would love to have a girlfriend to talk to when I am upset or a friend to go shopping with. I cannot help the way i was born..It is not my fault…i do not flaunt myself or flirt . It is only the outside they see. I still dont see it…Everyone seems to think my photos on the internet are old ones…they arent. I look 30 instead of 50…that I cannot help either. It is sad for us who are born this way to go on in life being ingnored and all we really want is a friend !
    Beauty is a curse…not a blessing.
    Just saying…men tell me they like that I dont know I am beautiful…i never thought i was …until now…when i sit alone in this dark house because other women wont even give me a chance…
    We dont want your men girls…we only want a friend.

    • Shari

      I found this thread while looking for answers. I found the answers while writing my own post. Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions.

    • destiny

      i feel you, my own mother never liked me either, cause i’m pretty, she used to cut my hair ugly all the time on purpose and made me wear beggy unfitted ugly clothes all the time when i was growing up. i was always skinny and fit. and i dont have many female friends, who i can call real friends.

  • kitkat

    I bet all the girls who have commented on here and said that they hate on beautiful women are ugly! Lol! Suck it! Being hated on is just the price you have to pay for being beautiful. The sooner beautiful girls realise this, they will have an easier life. Women only hate because they are threatened.

    • Shari

      You go girl !!!
      Its a very steep price too when your friends and family that are women hate you too…never invite you to do anything with them and avoid you and get mad when their husband even talks to you for a second or compliments your cooking at the Thanksgiving table.
      I feel so sad for the poor girls who have a lifetime ahead of being hated. Been there and Im a very lonely older woman still !

  • Desiree

    @Shari: You expressed my sentiments exactly.As you elaborated on your experiences,it tugged at my heart strings. It made me sad…I began to cry for you and me because your experience is mine at 47 yrs. I have dressed myself down so as not to draw excess attention. I have been told by some that I dress dowdy while at the same time others remark that I am trying to be seen.I was in the kitchen yesterday with many women and while washing dishes after a community dinner,several women chose to demean and minimize me in front of others.Despite my frequent assistance,and service to others..remarks such as “what..Miss pretty is in here” and, “oh,shes working hard today”..This from older and younger women in concert due to jealousy.I am really tired, trying to not return ugly for ugly, trying to be pleasing to God..but women are so cruel.Lets choose to grow inward compasssion,self worth,unity and love..then truly beauty will spread. Peace and love to all of you.

    • Shari

      Hello Desiree,
      Thank you and I am feeling for you at the moment. I am so sorry about the time in the kitchen you recently had. It is a shame that we as women dont always stand by each other in times of saddness and try harder to understand each other.I too am always trying to be the helpful one in taking care of others as I have never been judgemental and it is sad truth that we basically have to compfort ourselves as we go along in life. I recently found a great man who is a bit older but I have found he doesnt treat me bad because he thinks me beautiful and I am sooo very grateful to now have someone in my life who appreciates me and everything I do. In public he treats me like a lady and I am able to be a true lady because of him. God Bless you Desiree and if you ever need a friend you can contact me at Windsormgmt@gmail.com

  • Michelle

    Nope, never. I am happy with how I look, even though it certainly isn’t perfect, so no, I don’t feel the need to compete with other women.

  • Rita

    It is extremely sad that beautiful women get hated because of their looks. And it is very stupid that some people think all beautiful women are bitches. Assholes and bitches come in a variety of looks. If someone treats a beautiful woman horrible only because of her looks, that person is a piece of shit who deserve the same treatment.

    Bottom Line…..Treat people the way they treat you.

    Be confident and have self respect.

  • Samantha

    A woman knows she is truly beautiful when she can appreciate the beauty of other women. I think women should support eachother not hate. Am I wishing for too much ? Yes I think I am XX

  • anonymous

    Most of the beautiful women are curse on the world.

  • john

    i think its a little sad and pathetic for people to hate on others just because they are beautiful. Get rid of your jealousy, and start loving and believing in yourself.

  • Ilovehaters

    It getting me insane mad i see girls whispering and laughing and the same time the seeing me its soooooo anoying i dont know what to do i dont have much friends on school fault of the stupid jealous sickness i have just 3 friends girls and 1 boy but anyways i am soo tired really i dont know what to do always i go walk outside i see much girl laughing at me and whispering i always shy and nervious i get bulled with jokes sometimes i feel scared i am tire about jealous why woman is so jealous i am not like that seriously why and sometimes they show up front of my face but sometimes… But teenager or woman i going to give you a help if they are showing up and seeing you just ignored her never see her never they get more mad and tired or if they talk just dont give a shit and dont see her if they are jokin ignore if they are giving you a food or a drink never take it is for jokes. Anyways dont worry women or teenager or girl is ok because when they are whisperig much and talkin about jokes or bad thinks because jealous or envy or you know joke other people is very INMATURED so dont worry just leave that bitches alone and leave her that get matured and grow up.Please if you are that type of jealous person please stop because you going to make your life more bad and is not good accept yourself anyway the most important think of a woman is the personality AND THE REAL BEAUTY IS THE NATURAL NOT ARTIFICIAL like make up or straighting your hair or curling it or surgeries that it looks more worse you know your really pretty as natural be happy be yourself please if you see a bautiful girl or teen or woman just say in your mind: nah im am more pretty as natural no like that girl that is with make-up and surgeries and i am pretty. just think of that please be yourself like your body live the life happy ignored other ones please i hope this is helpfull to the girls that have problem like me and the jealous ones, and really after that happens to me that i was jealous and i know how it feels but now i am not and i feel more better and more happy and more secure the real beauty is the natural remember that not surgeries make up etc. AND SORRY FOR THE SPAM i just try to help.

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