Online Swimsuit Review Boards Are Perfect For Self-Loathing

There’s always room in the budget for a little online shopping. Especially since it’s bathing suit season. And you should probably get a head start on your winter wardrobe while you’re at at. That’s the beauty of online shopping, you can buy clothes at your convenience. You want to know what else is great about shopping online? Review boards.

Review boards offer a safe place for shoppers to share their likes and dislikes about a product. I’ve been in store dressing rooms plenty of times where I’ve received stares of harsh judgment when I try on a not-so-flattering pair of jeans or a dress that makes me look like a giant blob. I can’t take criticism like that. I need to try clothes on in the comfort of my own home.

As I joyfully make my online purchases, I like to see what other customers have to say about the clothing. If everyone writes a negative review, I will most likely not buy it. But lately, it has been called to my attention that women are using review boards as a self- loathing mechanism. I’ve collected a few swimsuit reviews to demonstrate this point. I give you exhibit A:

I love this material, but I wish you made it without side ties! Side ties remind me of the 90s or something… not in a good way… and don’t look flattering on me. [Liz on American Apparel]

Well, Liz, I’m sorry that the swimsuit did not live up to your expectations, but no one cares that it isn’t flattering to your figure. What about the suit itself? Is the color nice? Is it well made? Your terrible review has left us with unanswered questions.  Exhibit B:

Not so cute on the average girl. Unfortunately, I’ll have to return it, just not flattering on my figure. Too bad, I think it’s a really cute suit. [Jenna P. on Anthropologie]

This review makes me sad. Jenna P. admits to “think[ing] it’s a really cute suit,” yet she returned it because it’s not “flattering to [her] figure.” I’m sensing an overwhelming amount of self- hate here, and that is what makes me sad. That aside, I do not appreciate Jenna P.’s generalization that the swimsuit does not look “cute on the average girl.” Just because you have body issues does not give you license to thrust them onto other people. Exhibit C:

If you would like to look like a flat board with weirdly shaped giant triangles over your chest this is perfect. Me, I do not enjoy the look. Gross. I returned it as fast as i could. [Ellebelle on Urban Outfitters]

Maybe you look like a flat board because you have no chest, Ellebelle. There’s nothing gross or wrong with that, but please don’t blame the innocent swimsuit.

I’d like to take this time to appreciate the fact that everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, but that’s the beauty of life (cliché, yes). Let’s leave the review boards for actual product reviews and do away with comments on body dissatisfaction.

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