The Sorry State of My (Nonexistent) Online Dating Profile

Last night, I was kicking it with a friend of mine who’s newly single. We ate cheese, we drank, one thing led to another, and before I knew it we were looking at her OK Cupid profile. Picture: adorable. Profile: smart and interesting. Me: intimidated. And here’s why.

Her profile was full of references that I had never heard of — names of bands that I don’t know about, books I haven’t read, places I haven’t been to. And I realized — if I were to sign up for an online dating site, I would have the most boring profile ever. In other words, I might actually the most boring person ever. My theory on this is twofold — either one becomes less interesting when one is in a relationship, or when one is creating an online dating profile, one plays up the parts of oneself that are unique.

Which is all well and good, but since it’s all about me in this post, it still leads back to the same concerning conclusion — much of my taste lately has gone the way of the mainstream, and it took my friend’s interesting, compelling and highly relevant profile for me to realize that. Want me to be more clear? Here’s a sample of what my online dating profile would look like, using parts of the OK Cupid template. Brace yourself:

My favorite books, movies, music and food: Let me preface this by saying, once upon a time I had highly discerning taste in books. This section would have included authors recently featured in “The Believer,” perhaps the occasional German philosopher, and of course, Tom Robbins. Now, my favorite books are as follows: Twilight. As for television, once again there was a time, not long ago, that I could have honestly said, “I don’t watch much TV, because I only have rabbit ears” — the ultimate cool/well-read girl’s answer. Now? “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” reruns of “30 Rock,” and “True Blood,” which, given my book answer, makes it look like I’m one of those lame-ass people who hopped on the vampire train. Because, apparently, I am.

The six things I could never do without: I mean, literally? My apartment, food, drink…should I just go through Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? Wouldn’t it kind of be lying to say anything else in this section?

I spend a lot of time thinking about: I think the fact that I just got up to get a snack when confronted with this question tells you everything you need to know.

On a typical Friday night I am: Sitting on the couch and watch the above-mentioned, culturally poignant TV shows. Sometimes I hike, if one can call walking my dog around the block “hiking.” Oh yeah, and I really like snacks.

There you have it. I’m afraid yours truly has hit a culturally irrelevant point in her life. I’m somewhat inclined to do something about this, but I fear that I’d be neglecting all the uneaten cheese in the world…

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    • bodo

      what kind of cheese do you like? being a gourmet is a quality I would like in my partners

    • nolalola26

      OR some interesting, smart, eccentric guy might read this and be all “I just need to take her out to see some intellectual/indie/relevant movies!” Which might be ok. Or you might find a guy who’s just as into lounging and snacking as you are.

      My OKCupid profile was pretty awesome, like your friend’s. So I got my awesome boyfriend (found me on OKCupid) 4 years ago, and we’re still together, but now we’re both boring. So it all works out.