• Tue, Jul 27 2010

5 Bad Reasons To Move In Together (And One Good One)

A lot of people — myself included — have agonized over whether or not to move in with a partner. There are even some compelling scientific studies about how it might affect your likelihood of getting and staying married. But in considering the possibility, there are some reasons that just don’t cut it, and that have a better chance of dooming your love than bringing you closer:

  1. You think it will bring you closer/lead to an engagement. If more intimacy or getting married is what you want, you better let your S.O. in on it. Your relationship might need some work, and moving in together without talking about it isn’t the kind of work that will help. Also, you don’t want to move in and then get pissed six months down the line that he or she hasn’t put a ring on it.
  2. You’re broke. If you weren’t considering moving in together before, don’t start now. That’s what roommates are for.
  3. You really like his or her apartment. Sure, this happens all the time. Your new better half has a fabulous place and you can very easily imagine yourself all up in there, lounging on a chaise in a white robe and sipping martinis all day, only pausing to cook dinner for them when they get home. If the role of gold-digger is something to which you’ve always aspired, go for it. If not, you still have to deal with the person who lives in the apartment. Get a second job and move into your own.
  4. Your partner wants you to. This is a recipe for resentment. Don’t give up your own lovely digs because your S.O. is putting pressure on you. Calmly tell them that you’re not ready, and that they can do with that information what they want. Their response will tell you a lot about your relationship.
  5. It seems like it’s time. I don’t care if it’s been two months or two years — if the only reason you can come up with is, “well…it seems like it’s been enough time!” — that’s not good enough. There is no “right time,” and there is no such thing as waiting too long.

And the one good one (can you guess what this will be?):

  1. You really, genuinely want to. I’ll add to this that you feel like you know the person well, are happy with where the relationship is going, and would genuinely like to come home to that person every day. And, you’re ready to
    c-o-m-p-r-o-m-i-s-e.
Share This Post:
  • Lilit Marcus

    I have GOT to use the “put a ring on it” tag more often.

  • nolalola26

    You’re 100% right that there’s no expiration date on when you should move in together. I’d never lived with a guy before, and moved in with him (and to a different city with him) right after I came back from Mexico and we’d only been dating for like a month, long-distance (I’d been there teaching English for 6 months), and we’re still together. We were REALLY lucky.

  • chaz

    A lot of loving makes the time together forever

  • Gina

    I really love this article. My sister only moved in with her man after the wedding. Everyone is shocked when I tell them this story, it’s so unusual here, but I always thought this to be a clever decision. I want to do it the same way, but how do I explain this to a date?