A Fond Farewell To Intern Michael Woodsmall

Michael Woodsmall has made his name known around these here parts. That’s good. Because he values his name. Oh, he values it. He would slap it on you right now if he could. And perhaps one day, when you’re out at a bar with Jen Dziura she will turn to you and say “that stupid guy, what a Woodsmall.” And you will laugh.

But I won’t laugh.

Because seriously, I really enjoyed having intern Michael around the office. I loved the way he did all the heavy lifting for us. I loved how wildly enthusiastically he complimented us on posts. And how, despite being a chauvinistic conservative, he really loved the site. And most of all, I loved that whenever we said “wow, Michael, that’s a really douche-y opinion you have, go write a post about it, it will get lots of comments” he did so. With enthusiasm. Each time believing that maybe people would agree with him. Kids today.

Here are some of those legendary posts:

How Not To Hit On Guys

Why I’d Be Offended If A Woman Didn’t Take My Last Name

Why I Hate Everyone Who Likes Bret Easton Ellis

Michael, we’re not going to say goodbye, because, despite returning to college, I hope you’ll continue to write for us. So instead of goodbye, we’ll just say that we hope all the women in your life drink apple martinis and can’t drive a car.

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    • Eileen

      Hey. Michael very clearly said that he considers himself a conservative, not a Republican. If we’re going to mock him, let’s at least use the right terms.

      ‘Bye Michael. Just so you know, I know plenty of girls who’d be happy to call themselves Mrs. Woodsmall, chat about politics, dress conservatively, and rag on Bret Easton Ellis. Most of them drive though. Good luck.

    • Lilit Marcus

      I would also like to thank Michael for all the joy he provided in the office, like all the times he changed the water cooler. Water is the best.

    • Lindsay Hartman

      Aw… living in the Midwest, I know a lot of guys like Michael. And normally, they are good guys that I kind of just want to pat on the head and say, “That’s right hunnie. You keep on believing all that bullshit. You just will those delusions into reality!” I’m sure he’s a great guy, best of luck!

    • Veronika

      I had a sneaking suspicion after his first post appeared that the editors were using him and his nostalgically sexist opinions to boost pageviews, all the while having a good laugh.

      I appreciate that The Gloss aims to be less suffocatingly PC than Jezebel and other feminist ladyblogs, but I can read insufferably douchey opinions about What Women Should Be Doing on thousands of other blogs. Why do I need to read them here?

      But maybe I’m just pissed because this Woodsmall character is a caricature of all the guys I grew up with and dated as a teenager…Ah, memories! Glorious, unpleasant memories!