An Open Letter To Anna Wintour About Her Outfit

Look, “Always Warm-And-Jolly Editor Anna Wintour”,

In my head, you and I are pals.  And I think everyone at The Gloss tends to write only nice things about you. First, because you seem like you get a lot of flack for working hard, which is puzzling, and second, because one day, some of us might like to work at a magazine, or in an office without a sizable rodent problem, so this just seems like common sense. Seriously, we think you’re fantastic. We named one of the mice after you.

But Anna, we’re confused. Confused by this outfit you wore in 1992.

We’re confused because we generally think of Vogue as the kind of warm-and-jolly place that is so fashionable that we would not survive there for five minutes. We did not know that Vogue was a spaceship. A spaceship that provides nipple-revealing gold lame uniforms.

When people call you “Nuclear Wintour” we always thought it was because of your level of British sang-froid. Is it instead because you are a time traveler who came back from a post-nuclear future? A future where everyone dresses like this? We didn’t know that the future would so closely resemble low-budget science fiction movies from the 1970′s.

The jewels in this also appear to be alien space rocks. What planet are they from? Is it warm-and-jolly there?

We’re heading off to get some skorts and gold chains now.

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    • val1124

      I just really never needed to see a weird outline of Anna Wintour’s breasts like that. You’d think that Anna, of all people, would know the importance of good undergarments. Maybe 1992 was her off year.

    • nolalola26

      Are those things down there her legs? They are the same size as her arms and seem to be growing out of the sides of her hips. She looks like my niece’s drawings of ladies. My niece is 3. I am not trying to be mean, I am just flabbergasted.

    • stacyface

      too bad she hasn’t convinced her readers that the fried egg on a nail bra-less look is in right now. Ew, unflattering to say the very least.