The Winner Of The “Worst Bikini Wax Story” Contest Is…

A while ago, we encouraged you to share your bad bikini wax stories to win a copy of Robert Rave’s new book. Jesus, God, your stories are probably the reason Sasha Grey is sporting a full bush. Remind us to never wax anyplace you wax. However, the most horrifying story came to us courtesy of Foxyspoon, and it reminded us that people don’t let people they care about wax them:

My boyfriend and I were wandering the drugstores late at night, when I spied a wax kit on sale for half price. I raised my eyebrow and looked at him, and said “you ever wax down there…?” he got this grin on his face and said, “I’ll do it if you do it.” So we rang it up, headed back to my place and I read through all the instructions. I then decided that I couldn’t possibly just tear it off myself, so I asked my boyfriend to do the dirty work for me. This was one of the least-sexy nights of my life.

The first few strips smarted, as they tend to do, but after a while I just became a bit numb to it all and tried to focus on other things, such as having a conversation. We were at the bitter end, finally, and my boyfriend applied the last strip of wax… directly to my clitoris. I had no idea that he was so close to the man in the little boat until it the wax strip was being yanked off, and I had the sensation that all my lady-parts were going to go with it. I screeched out in pain at this, understandably.

After a few moments to calm myself down, I told my boyfriend to strip. A deal’s a deal, right? He did so, and I noticed with humor that his penis, which is normally an average size, had seemed to withdraw into his body. I didn’t even have to say anything, he just looked into my eyes, terrified, and said, “it’s scared”. Still, I insisted he at least try it. So I applied one small strip just medial of his hip bone and pulled. He screamed out, then grabbed his clothes and put them on. I felt totally cheated on it, but at least later we could laugh about it.

That said, there were some other great submissions, like CorporateTool who wrote:

The closest I come is the fact that I have a belly ring (I know, classy), and once as she was about to get down to business, my waxer noticed it and said “sexy.”

Never have I felt less sexy, or comfortable.

Or Maryanne, who told us how:

Went in 2002 when the Brazilian was becoming the rage to J. Sisters who claim to have invented the Brazilian wax. J. Sisters was being touted in all the magazines as THE place to get one. J. Sisters at the time did their waxes in cubicles that were only about 6 feet high in the same room as they did their pedicures. So as you sat getting a pedi or waiting for your turn you heard the wax strips at work and people gasping in pain! What was amusing as well were all the ladies getting their pedis or reading magazines pretending not to hear their sisters in obvious pain in the cubicles right there in next to them. It was ghastly and rather gross.
My last Brazilian for quite a while (had to recover from this one) was caused by the fact that however they did it, my labia developed scabs!

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    • Corporate Tool

      Hooray shout-out!

    • foxyspoon

      Wow! This totally makes my day!

    • Marcus

      Laugh out loud!
      Sanity and vanity seem to be reversed here.