• Mon, Aug 16 2010

Advice for Celebrities: How to Be Pregnant In Public

Image via DJDM/WENN.com

Melissa Rycroft is excited to be going through her pregnancy in the public eye. “I don’t know what’s about to happen in the next few months with my body and my relationship, there’s going to be so many changes. It could be a fun process to have everybody watch us go through a scary time like that, but it could also be a train wreck!”

Yes, Melissa, it will most likely be a train wreck. I happen to be one of those annoying women who had a really easy pregnancy. I taught Pilates classes until my 5th month, no morning sickness. My ankles were the size of my thighs by the 9th month, but I was ok with that. Honestly, I enjoyed my pregnancy.

That being said, I wouldn’t want everyone watching it for prime time entertainment. I wouldn’t want close-ups of said cankles on the cover of OK! magazine. And when I had emotional breakdowns because of Huggies commercials, I wouldn’t want it analyzed by some “professional” who has never met me. And I was lucky enough to enjoy pregnancy. Lots of women don’t have it so easy. And with a ton of extra estrogen coursing through your body, it may not be the best time to experiment with a new reality show.

I realize that Melissa Rycroft and I are two very different people. I probably wouldn’t want every date with my husband photographed either, and she’s ok with that. I may share my opinion frequently, but my personal life? Not so much. So obviously, Mrs. Rycroft is more comfortable with (over)sharing. Good for her. But I still think she will come to regret all of her “I’m sure we’ll share this journey” talk.

If Melissa is going to be doing all this sharing, here are a couple things that I hope she’s prepared for:

1) Pictures of her puking along the side of the road. A friend of mine had such bad morning sickness, she would have to pull over and puke about 4 times on a 30 minute drive in to work. And you thought crotch shots were bad…

2) Pound counters. So the latest research suggests you gain about 20 – 30 pounds when you’re pregnant. But if your cravings include French fries and mint chocolate chip ice cream (like mine did), you can hit 30 pounds by month 6 and 50 before the baby is born. Get ready for a hundred doctors who have never spoken to you giving interviews about what your diet should be.

3) Shopping coverage. Nothing is as fun as shopping for baby clothes. And baby furniture. And baby toys. It’s all exciting and special. And it’s going to be even more special when every item you bought gets discussed on TMZ by the store clerk with the iPhone.

4) Relationship squabbles. It doesn’t matter if your husband is a saint. Someday, when you’re back hurts, you’re exhausted and hungry, your shoes don’t fit because you’re feet are swollen and you have heartburn so bad you might breathe fire, your husband is going to comment on the weather and you’re going to jump down his throat. It’s no one’s fault. It will just happen. And then US Weekly will be comparing you to Denise Richards leaving Charlie Sheen and warning you to throw away your Train CDs.

These are just a few of the many things that I hope she’s ready to share with the world. Because pregnancy isn’t like another turn on Dancing with the Stars. It’s a personal experience that you can’t predict or train for. Good Luck!

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