J.D. Salinger’s Toilet Will Cost You $1,000,000

They’re auctioning off Salinger’s toilet on eBay. And is costs… $1,000,000? Okay, if you’re going to spend $1,000,000 on something, I imagine you want people to know how special it is. Here are some ideas on how you can tip off your friends and family.

1) Every time someone asks where the restroom is, respond with a cryptic Salinger quote. They won’t get it. If your friends are all liberal arts majors, I recommend something from the constantly underrated “The Laughing Man” from Nine Stories which no one ever reads. I am recommending this becase I’m incredibly pretentious. So, yeah, just pretty much recite that entire story. And then, when your “friend” is wild eyed, their bladder near bursting remark “that’s Salinger’s toilet in the bathroom. And I paid 1,000,000 for it. How are you doing raising your child’s tuition money?’

Yeah, that’s all I’ve got.  Here. Go buy it here.

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    • porkchop

      HA! JD Salinger, that’s what you get for being such a dickish recluse, coming out of hiding only to wave your cane at some poor slob writing a crappy unauthorized sequel. The best part is, it doesn’t even matter if that’s really your toilet or not. All we want now is to exploit your memory as hard as we can. Now we can make all the horrid movies we want about rich pretty boys who are obsessed with their dead brothers (Charlie St Cloud). This will never happen to Harper Lee.