• Fri, Aug 27 2010

Allie Brosh Presents: 4 Super Romantic Ways To Dump Your Girlfriend

Girls are total suckers for romance, so it makes sense that the perfect way end to a romantic relationship is with a romantic breakup. Impress you future ex-girlfriend with these four creative ways to finish on a high note.

1.  Say it with flowers

2.  Surprise her with an elaborate entrance
A dramatic gesture and a scenic locale may distract your girlfriend from the imminent emotional trauma.
3.  Give her a breakup ring
As a token of your appreciation for the times you’ve shared, buy your soon-to-be ex a nice ring as a keepsake.  She’ll understand.
4.  Wait for that perfect opportunity to present itself.
Sometimes the most romantic gestures are spur of the moment.

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  • porkchop

    hee hee! Someone actually did break up with me with flowers once. I always suspected that was a ridiculous idea, and now Allie has proven it. ehhh…

  • Stella

    The breaking up via dramatic entrance kinda reminds me of the scene from Legally Blonde where Warner breaks up with Elle…

  • Lainey

    OMG number 4 is the funniest by far!!!

  • jo

    My gf knows a guy who gives girls empty Tiffany’s ring boxes when he breaks up with them.

    • Oh Deer

      That’s utterly terrible and awesome at the same time.

    • Oh Deer

      That’s utterly terrible and awesome at the same time.

    • Killian

      Now that’s cold!

  • Ben

    I’m pretty sure my roommate did #3. Engagement ring, then broke up with her 2 days later after realizing that he would have to spend the rest of his life with a girl we all called “Hambeast” and “Bear” behind her back.

  • Kate

    Aw MAN! /KATE/?!??!!

    :( :(

    http://arguingwithadoughnut.blogspot.com

  • Lauren

    #4 is definitely the best, the animation is perfect! “No”

  • SaraVi

    Yup. Definitley had a guy give me a ring and say ” let’d breakup but I want to marry you later”….I sold the ring. Thanks. Douche.

  • darkwing

    #4 is making me cry tears of pwny awesome hilarity!!!

  • Chelsea

    This would also work quite well vice versa. Except instead of flowers, you just buy your soon to be ex-bf his favorite cake with IT’S OVER iced on the top. After all, the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Nothing more romantic than that.

    • Mika

      That’s actually not true.

      The fastest way to a man’s heart = through his ribcage, with a shovel.

  • Carol

    I would definitely appreciate a nice “remember me” ring. That way, when I punch him in the face, he’ll have the scar to remember ME by!

    • KatieM

      I <3 Carol!

    • Sarah

      I like the way you think!

  • Heather

    HA! I had #3 happen to me before, except it was a gold heart-shaped locket with our pictures inside. That was awesome and soul destroying.

  • Sandy

    Number 4 is by far my favorite. But think of how long that guy had to wait for that opportunity. That said, I’m saying no to any shows my boyfriend suggests in the future…

    • Sandy’s future ex.

      That will only expidate #’s 1-3

  • stephanie

    Love #4!!!

  • stephi

    LMAO!

  • Snoink

    Don’t forget the old taking her to an exotic location, complete with a foreign language that only you know, and dumping her there. She always was adventurous, right?

    • Allie

      Potentiate her loneliness!

  • abby

    I especially like #2, because he’s risking his life to break up with her. That could actually go either way…bold. Very bold.

  • KiniArt

    You had me at “Bye” Lol

  • Killian

    Hey Allie, how ’bout those airplane banners you always see at the beach? Some are advertisements for stores, but I’ve also seen ones that say, “MARRY ME, GIRLS NAME HERE!”

    I think a break-up one would be fantastic. “HEY SNOOKUMS! IT’S OVER!”

  • ktkins

    OMG the visual on #4…i had no idea that stick figures could be so eloquent!! love it

  • bethh

    I *heart* Allie’s work. That was awesome :)

  • Breaking Up today

    I am going to show her this post

  • Inky

    that was so cool. heh

  • Summer

    Wow, # 4 really seems super romantic, given the element of having a large crowd of strangers watching… another great way to break up is to wait until a major holiday or on her birthday. Really makes for great memories. Also it can be nice to do it like a surprise party, and surround her with her close friends, so after you leave, she can have someone to talk to…. about what just happened…?….

  • Sue McGoo

    You kill me.

  • Werner

    #4 is so freaking awesome!

  • Anita

    Buy her a ring! GENUIS!!!!

  • Jessica

    #1 actually happened to me.

    • Anna

      #1 is actually a “classic”. Happened to me and 2 of my friends (different guy…lol)

  • Shieldmaiden1196

    Or, do it on the phone the day before a major holiday so she can shuffle numbly through the motions surrounded by loving family and friends.
    At least there was turkey and stuffing to numb the pain.
    Fucker.
    Sorry…what was I saying?

    • jocool

      ha love this post! i got the just before christmas one once….it was great. blubbering in the car is a perfect way to look refreshed at the family carol singing party. “peace on earth and good will to all men” my ass.

  • June

    You are amazing.

  • Chickalupe

    I *could* love Allie’s comics more… but it might involve major surgery and even then I would probably burst something. So, I guess what I’m saying is, I couldn’t love her more. <3

  • Karina

    My mouth dropped open on the fourth one. But how often will something like that happen? It might take YEARS to break up…and by that point, she’ll expect a (non-breakup) ring. Maybe get married, and then go to another wedding, and tell her to go ahead and try for the bouquet?

  • lacrema

    I love how the guy in the “wave your hands in the air” sequence has his foot all awkwardly curled in under his seat. YOU CAN TELL HE IS NOT COMFORTABLE with this.

  • Jane

    # 3 happened to a friend of mine. Super romanticism is epic.

  • jocool

    so spot on. my dad did a good one on his first GF after my mom died. brought her up to the family cabin on a lake in NH and….dumped her ass. she thought he was going to propose. nice quiet weekend away i’m sure.

  • Teesah

    It’s so awful, but I can’t stop myself from laughing!

  • Samm Cotton

    **scribbles #2 into his blackbook**

    hehehehe

  • SqueZQ

    I find these posts are the best part of my day. Never fail to laugh.

  • Anna

    Uh…I got one that deserved a spot on that list. How about ” I love you, but….” written on your anniversary cake. Yeah, let’s pretend that never happened.

  • Hendo

    Snoink… No lie… My last boyfriend convinced me to take a job in East Timor for a year… We moved there… 4 months later he left me. Nice… Real men leave their partners in developing countries. What a coward! He ran home to mummy and daddy, I stayed out my contract!

  • The Bronze Prince

    I know!One should be getting dumped 9 days before your 40th birthday, which they knew full well you were already depressed about!

    • DorkButton

      Haha I know the feeling… my ex broke up with me on Christmas Eve!

  • V

    No surprise break-up party?

  • CJ

    My ex broke up with me a week before our high school grad party… and we had already bought him a ticket :(

  • jim

    No baseball stadium scoreboard??? Singing telegram? Sky writing airplane? Friend hiding with loudspeaker, saying in deep voice, “Hello, this is God. I command you to break up!”?

  • Omolara

    On the phone in the midst of me trying to make plans for the next day, while living not 15 minutes away.

    Flowers would’ve been awesome. Because then I could destroy them in creative ways.

  • Raven Cawed

    At a funeral. Theres no way she can possibly be any more crushed already.

  • LoveMN

    How about on your birthday?? Tough to beat..

    • Sarah

      That happened to me!

    • Tlahuiltzin

      My loser boyfriend broke up with me on the night before my birthday which was also the day of my college graduation. I had cleared up my whole schedule that day because we were supposed to have a romantic date. I spent it alone crying in my tub drinking wine and listening to dramatic opera music. It was tragic. I had to have a make up birthday party in December (my birthday is in May) because I couldn’t end my year with that kind of birthday! College graduations are hard to make up though :/ That bastard.

  • Marie

    Wait until Valentines Day!

    • yesmaam

      That’s when I was dumped on ’05. One of the more memorable dump-ings.

  • ellsey

    broke up with my boyfriend the day before his last final on his only ‘study break’ of the week. it was also the day before prom. crushed him and then offered to tutor him for the next day out of pity…

    • Big Gay Dave

      Ah, that’s harsh. You couldn’t wait just one more day? :P

    • dan

      You sound almost proud.

  • Rob

    God I love you Allie. Seriously one of the funniest people in the whole wide intertubes

  • fromabroad

    i wouldn’t mind a diamond breakup ring!

  • Azsa

    Ha! Those are good!

  • luvfunnystuff

    Making out also works well… -_- Happened just the other day: “We just can’t be together… but I still have feelings for you, see?” >__<

    I <3 Allie :-)

    • PrettyAmiable

      OMG, this has happened to me too. What a prick.

      I like to think that we’re better off, so good for us.

  • KT Couture

    My boyfriend waited until the day my grandmother passed away last week to have the breakup talk. He said there was no ‘good’ time to do it… >__<

    • PipiK

      Wow, that really stinks! I don’t know what some of these guys are thinking. One of my stepdaughters’ boyfriend broke up with her the day before she had spinal surgery saying he was “afraid she might die”. Idiot.

      I’m sorry about your grandmother. :(

  • sizzle

    My boyfriend broke up with me the day i found out that my mom had been cheating on my father for 15 years, the same day that i also found out i had two siblings i didnt know about….

  • Emma

    the day before semi formal. over text messgae…
    i still went, and spent the night making out with some guy.

  • L

    Heh. Someone actually _did_ give me flowers as a breakup gift because “it’s been great.” Not as traumatic as most of these other stories, but deeply, deeply stupid.

  • Mongoose

    yep.. my ex broke up with me on my birthday, and not 20 minutes later i found him making out with some chick at my party, thanks looser :)

  • Wolfpackmember#3

    The guy I was dating picked me up from the airport. I asked him whether or not he had decided to come to my work party the next day and before we were even on airport property he broke it off. He failed to mention the other girls he’d been seeing at the same time….and the 19 year old stripper he hooked up with.

  • GrumpyBear

    My ex dumped me the day after I signed the lease on the apartment that we were supposed to move into together. That sucked, and was remarkably expensive!

    • GrumpyBear

      Oh yeah! And the dumping was via e-mail.

  • Lemons for breakfast

    My wife told me she wanted a divorce after I spent 96hrs in transit trying to get back to her because I missed her so. She went out with her friends the night after I got back, and when she got home I told her how all I wanted was to spend some time with the woman I love. She told me to kick rocks…

    • katiechasm

      :(

    • Starbuy

      Unlucky mate :((

      My ex broke up with me cos I was out all day buying a ring to propose to her. And when I told her, she told me to shove it up my arse ¬¬ Not happy :P

    • lover but not loved

      That is so sad :-(

  • Kayla Ross

    I love you, Allie. <3 The spur of the moment one was my fav.

  • EatCookies

    I got dumped last night. And not like any of these.

  • Nookie

    Women like that give us a bad name. You’re better off without them fellas.

  • Maria

    OMG! If my boyfriend was to ever break up with me I hope it would be one of these ways! hahahahahahaha.

  • Fiona.K

    oh my gosh soooo hilarious!!! Especially the last one!!!! I’ve laughed sooooo hard. Allie you’re the best

  • something

    5. Convince her that the entire thing was just a delusion of hers. (?)

  • Shea

    Called him an asshole. On his birthday… which I was unaware of at the time. But got back together with him a year later, and then it worked for about 2 years. :)

  • jake

    yaaaa thats not ok. you shouldnt date anyone else.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000919356786 Adara Clark

    I’d take the flowers…and put them on his grave, after I got done kicking his ass for breaking up with me!