You know what the problem with most of our outfits are? They don’t have inflatable cleavage. Also, sure, we can wear a hat when we’re having a bad hair day, but only the inflatable boob latex catsuit has a face mask for when we’re having a bad face day.
More importantly, if we don’t look like this, how will the Loch Ness Monster ever know that we are meant to be? It won’t. You can try to pretend that Nessie cares about your soul – and I’m sure he will, eventually – but you know that the first thing giant underwater sea-dinosaurs are drawn to are looks.
My dream of a mink track suit is so quickly approaching reality.