New Feature: Brag Shamelessly About Your Body

You know how we all play that game where your friend says “I hate my thighs” and you say “well, I hate my nose?” Maybe we need to start playing a new game.

If the comment thread on “accepting different body types doesn’t mean you have to hate on skinny girls” is anything to go by, body positivity seems to have touched a lot of nerves.

Now look, I don’t like sitting in Kumbaya circles drinking herbal tea and talking about how Joni Mitchell makes us feel. Because I’m a femmebot. Don’t got no feelings. I’m not going to sit here and talk about Lucille Clifton’s “Homage To My Hips” or “Heavy Women” by Sylvia Plath or something, because, seriously, not a Kumbaya circle. And I’m afraid this is going to get all sensitive and stuff, but maybe instead hating others we need to think about what we love about ourselves.

We live in a world where we don’t really talk too much about what we like about our bodies. So send us something you like about yourself. An interpretive haiku about your hindquarters. A cartoon about your collarbone. The weirder it is the better. Everyone has pretty eyes, but not everybody has a pretty peg-leg.

Send us your address too, and we’ll try to send you something. Nail polish, probably, we get a lot of that. Though if we run out, it might just be a vodka stained napkin with a dirty limerick on it. I can’t promise anything.

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    • lala

      i sent this in and then decided i’m feeling super silly (and brave) this morning so here goes!

      Ode to my ass

      Oh big ass
      how full you are
      like the moon up in the sky

      I love my big butt!

      • nolalola26

        I do have crazy spiral hair! It is totally weird, but I love it. I also totally have one of those weird hairs that every once in a while, I notice it’s like, waving in the breeze. I am jealous of your voluptuous booty!

    • nolalola26

      1. My lower left rib sticks out. When I was in middle school, it stuck out further than my “boobs.”
      2. I have a weird dent on the back of my head. My parents swear I wasn’t dropped, but this is why I couldn’t rock the Natalie Portman after V for Vendetta came out. It still pleases me to tell people to feel my brain.
      3. I have a small section on my calf where hair actually grows in a spiral. I have to shave it from 4 different angles to get it all. I touch it sometimes when I’m feeling nervous.

      I know I was supposed to pick just one thing, but I apparently am a freak, because I could go on about my lusciously flat feet or super-bendy double joints..

      • lala

        You have leg hair that grows in a spiral! I’m so jealous! That is awesome! ^o^ my only weird hair is one that grows just below my armpit on my chest … I don’t know why but every once in awhile I find it and found that it is about 3-4 inches long O.o I don’t know why this one hair has decided to grow so long but there it is.

    • CaorlAnn

      The marks on my body aren’t ugly,
      And yet, that’s what some people see.
      My birthmark and moles,
      Are hotter than coals,
      What you think don’t matter to me.

      Check it out (photos included!)


      • lala

        I love birthmarks/moles! I have a bunch and get more as I get older… some days I wonder how many constellations I could draw on myself by connecting my ‘dots’ (mole/birthmarks). In fact I’d like to make an international connect your dots day ^o^ lol how silly would that be?

    • Katelyn

      I know my name is not ahnold, but i love my mahscles :)
      especially my obliques, cause they make that V thing that men typically have…and people tend to say that they make me look like a boy, but I really like them :D i’m not huge, just built like a swimmer (check out pics of dana torres)
      not very “womanly”, but who cares!! i love my ripped-ness

      p.s. I am glad people have bragged about their bods on here! you go girls!!! (and guys if you post ^_^)

    • kerstin l.

      I lost all my baby weight, and still have loose squishy skin on my belly and a c section scar. I love it because it reminds me of the three miraculous babies I had the privilege of sharing my body with ( and the fourth who was only with me long enough to feel butterfly flutters before it had to go). :D

    • vn

      I love my little ears!

      • Michelle

        I love my big ears! :)

    • LilLisaG

      Lala, I TOO love my big ass (or “bubble butt” as I call it). I’m pretty petite from the front but you turn to the side and WHAM! I could balance a wine glass on that thing. I used to be really self conscious about it but now I’m learning to own it.

    • Britt

      I could give adult-orphan-annie a run for her sugar-daddy-money-bags with our crazy curls.

      Trying to be Julia Roberts, I begged my aunt
      To perm my hair.
      She said, “You shan’t”
      But I was 10 and didn’t care.

      She made the waves
      And when she was done
      My straight hair was gone forever into black caves.
      For 15 years, my hair has had so much fun.

      Shakira inspired me to go blond
      I’ve never looked back
      It’s thick, frizzied, frenzied, and long.
      Sometimes I think it sneaks crack

      From the guy down the street
      Next to the Food Emporium.
      It never smells like feet
      And often reminds boys of whore-dum.

      I’m proud of my curly locks
      and wouldn’t trade them for the world.
      It brings me locks of gawks
      But I wouldn’t be me without those swirls.

    • Meekrat

      I love being tall. Not just tall, but bigger then your average dude tall. I never need help reaching things, and i can open jars by myself, thank you. And i have red hair, so i never lose my friends when out in a crowd.

    • Gimmy

      I would write a celebratory poem about how much I love my arse, but you requested weird (plus that part has already been done justice by lala!) so I will simply put how much I love my birthmark. I have a cafe au lait birthmark on my right shoulder which I like to imagine is the shape of an actual place. I think it complements my shoulders, which are broad with coathanger collarbones, and turning around in a strappy top and revealing my wiggly, beautifully brown birthmark always makes me feel more confident. I don’t know why, because I’ve never been complimented on it. That said, no one has ever told me it was unattractive either, so maybe I just went with that.

    • Alicia

      I love my freakish shin muscles. I don’t know the technical name for them, but I lovingly refer to them as my “marching band” muscles. Years and Years of heel-toe-ing and I have these HUGE muscle that stick out every time I walk or flex my feet. People in my yoga classes stare. I love them.

    • J

      What’s got two thumbs and egg all over her face? This girl! (I’m pointing at myself with both thumbs, by the way.) Many people gave you a hard time for the Skinny Girls post, and some of those who were most vehement were the skinnies that were once heavier (like me). And I was more critical than just about anyone. But strong stances and controversy is what the internet is for, and I thought to myself immediately after posting my complaints that the positive-vibe filled, tolerance-promoting essay I was incessantly clamoring for, while it might sound very feminist and solidarity-building, would not be very humorous or get many web hits. But this feature is just that, only without the Lilith Fair affirmation circle vibe.

      Thank you for this! And here’s my shameless bragging, quoting Hugo: “Beaucoup de front dans un visage, c’est comme beaucoup de ciel dans un horizon.” — Lots of forehead in a face is like lots of sky in a horizon. Fiveheads unite!

    • Eileen

      I like my boobs. That’s not an unusual one, exactly, but I do: They didn’t show up until I kicked the eating disorder, and even though there were stretch marks for awhile (and then again when I had a random breast-growth-spurt sophomore year of college), they’ve faded and we’re pretty good friends now. They’re not overly large, but they fill out a sweater just as easily as they do a bikini top.

      I also like my teeth, which grew in extremely crooked but which I was lucky enough to have braces to correct. As a kid, I never smiled with my mouth open; now I’m known for my really big, toothy smile – a constant reminder that some things that are a pain at the time are SO worth it in the end.

    • Frrrarrh

      i love my tiny titties!

    • Angi

      I have fairly straight teeth but I also have one off to the side that’s wonky. Sometimes it catches on my lip when my lips are dry. I get really excited when I meet other people that have a wonky tooth. It;s so cute.

      I have a deep belly button. I like to stick the end of my finger in it while I’m laying around. Sometimes I put a Gobstopper in it. It’s like my own little pocket.

      It looks like I have two ankles on the inside of my right foot. No one ever notices until I point it out. It doesn’t cause me pain or grief…so I like it.

      I’m stretchy. I can puff out my stomach so that it looks like I am a full 6 months preggers. I don’t do it very often…but I like that I can, if only to occasionally freak out the ol’ boyfriend.

    • Pantsmarty

      I have grown to like my snaggle tooth. I had braces for a couple of years, and I loved my perfect teeth. So much so that I wore my retainer every night until last year (I’m 28 now). I finally gave up the habit because I couldn’t possibly stand to wear it with my fiance and have to take it out before…ahem…you know “bedtime” fun. Now one of my bottom teeth overlaps the other, but all I see is love, a part of me that grown more comfortable with myself, and less pressure to have perfection.

      Also, I love my boobs because they’re new! I also finally grew those, even though it only took 27 years!

    • Cher

      I love my stretchmarks. Yes. There. I said it. My stretchmarks. Especially the ones on my lower belly and just around the base of my breasts. I have come to realize that now, in my 40′s, they are a tribute to my babies. My belly nurtured those two beautiful little individuals and my breasts fed those greedy little ingrates. Both the belly and the boobies sag a little from both experiences, but that’s okay. My husband traces the lines on my belly and calls them…”road maps, little lines that show where you have been in your life and where you are going…”

      Where I have been. Such a sweet thought.

      Where I am going. That would be…the gym.

      But still, I love my stretchmarks because I have accepted them as a part of ever evolving, ever beautiful me.