• Mon, Aug 30 2010

Broken Up: How to Move On After Ending a Relationship

In May, my boyfriend of three years and I went our separate ways. No breakup is ever fun, but this one was especially difficult because it was the longest and most serious relationship I’d ever been in. We’d gone on trips together and met each others’ families. I’ve had almost four months to move on, but this article from College Candy reminded me about everything all over again. Granted, getting over a first-ever boyfriend is really different than getting over a I-thought-we-were-going-to-get-engaged late 20s romance, but every breakup shares elements in common, and broken hearts aren’t a contest. So here are some of my own, personally tried-and-true techniques.

  • Keep your calendar full. The more time I spent alone, the more time I spent thinking about what my ex and I would have been doing or talking about. So I reached out to my close friends, reconnected with acquaintances, accepted every invitation I was sent, and did my best to keep my social calendar full. One, it kept me busy so I wouldn’t start reminiscing about my relationship or obsessing over something I said; and two, I got to spend time with people I cared about.
  • Remember all the things that make you you. When you’re in a relationship it’s easy to think in the “we.” While I was dating my ex, I feigned interest in his hobbies so that we could do stuff together. Once I was single again, I made sure to spend time doing stuff that I loved – reading, yoga, watching Murder, She Wrote reruns on Netflix.
  • Don’t get mad at yourself. For awhile, I was trapped in this really weird cycle – I would get all nostalgic, have a little bit of a pity party, and then stop halfway through and get mad at myself for being sad. Going through a grieving/letting go process is normal, and you shouldn’t try to squelch your feelings. Process them now, and you’ll save yourself a lot of anguish later. One thing I did was repeat a favorite quote to myself every time I would get angry: “The way forward is with a broken heart.” (That’s from Alice Walker.)
  • Don’t try to erase the past. Couples who spend a long time together tend to accumulate a lot of shared baggage – vacation pictures, borrowed clothes, anniversary gifts. While it’s really tempting to take everything he ever touched and burn it in the street (although, if he did something really terrible, like being physically abusive, you can light a match and I’ll be right there with you), you can’t erase history. Remember the good times and the bad ones. You can’t cut out an entire period of your life, and a happy memory should stay a happy memory, even if the person you made the memory with isn’t in your life anymore.
  • Get away. A change of scenery can do wonders to clear your head. You don’t need to spend six months backpacking through Europe. Spend a weekend visiting your family and catching up with old friends, or head to a meditation retreat where you can relax and redirect your energy. If you can’t find time to get out of town, try this: one thing I did was call a close friend from high school, who I only get to see in person about twice a year, and ask her how her kids were doing. I spent about an hour listening to her cute, funny stories about her toddlers. It was nice to catch up, and it also reminded me that there was more to life than me and my problems.
  • Write in private. There have been really beautiful poems, novels, and blog posts about breakups. However, if you really want to be honest about your feelings you should write them down in a place where no one else can see them. Once you put something online, it’s out there forever, and you don’t want to either self-censor or say things you’ll regret later. Feel free to publish your thoughts eventually … once you’ve had time to edit.

The way forward is with a broken heart, but it’s also with a full one. While ending a relationship isn’t a fun process, it also isn’t the end of your life. Take the good and the bad, be honest with yourself, and soon enough you’ll find yourself miles ahead.

Share This Post:
  • Britt

    Lilit, this post couldn’t have come at a better time for me! After spending 5 years with my boyfriend/best friend, we recently ended it and although it sucks, I know it’s for the best.

    This post is so helpful for all the girls ending or having ended relationships recently- so thank you for writing it!

    • Lilit Marcus

      I am giving you a big hug through the internets right now.

  • Lauren

    Thank you, Lilit. I’m not currently going through a break up, but the most traumatic time of my life was while I had broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years. It just about killed me, because I didn’t know how to deal with it. I pretty much curled up in a ball and waited there until, almost a year later, I realized it was never going to get better if I sat alone every night. I think this article will help a lot of people. Thank you, for sharing your experience.

    I am giving you a big hug through the internets right now.

  • Jessica Pauline Ogilvie

    Love this! And also — I think a lot of the points are good to do even when you’re in a relationship, to salvage your sense of self. Good advice…

    • rikardo

      Dear friends, i had a problem with my girl friend 2year ago, which lead
      to our broke up. when she broke up with me, i was not my self again, i
      fill so empty inside me. until a friend of my Walt pen told me about a
      spell caster who helped him in the same problem too. i email the spell
      caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut
      the long story short. before i knew what was happening my girl friend
      gave me a call and told me that she was coming back to me and was so
      joyous to have her back to me. we have two kids together and we are
      happy with our selves. thanks to greatoracletemplesolution@live.com for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work the great spell caster.

  • JBlitzzz

    This is really just wonderful…

  • rey

    i well try everything that on this page!

  • Akshita

    Thanx a lot Lilit!!!
    I really needed help right now and this article is sure to do me a lot good!!!

  • Brayn

    I don’t believe in fairy tales. I believe that there is always an end to everything.. and yet a new beginning is ready to bloom with it.. It takes time to heal and it takes oneself to believe.. Think positively.. Life is beautiful. Make the best of out it… anyways, im trying to move on with my previous 5 years relationship stage, to this time of break up. I love her still but this is the end for our moments.. I continue to follow my reams and find the way unto me. I hope this will be also the end of this kind of tragic event in my life, but then again life is full surprise. Just think of a happy thoughts and fly.. have a nice day guys.

    • sad_chick

      yeah.. that’s what i’m going through right now.. there’s still life after a big nightmare.. even though it’s hard to be happy without him.. i still need to smile and face the new chapter of my life. :) Mine is also tragic… and trying myself to get over him..

    • gracerosacena

      Same here.. My boyfriend and I are supposed to celebrate our 6th year anniversary on August 11, 2011 =( But unfortunately, things happen for the best and he broke up with me because he wants to focus on his career.. he told me I’m already 26. I have no goals, no plans and no direction.. I just cried in front on him i beg him to please talk to me.. but he still ignore me..I love him so dear.. I never cheated on him.. I supported him all the way.. but he just left me.. without saying good bye..

  • Diana chris

    Thank you so much. this is really a great help after all. let us move on! good luck to us! happy new year!

  • FE Sharpe.

    This really does help, not just because its giving tips and hints on how to move on, but just because it gives us a feeling that we are not alone, because i just recently went trough a breakup and my greatest fear was being alone, and even though its my fault im in this situation that i am in now(which also puts a little bit of guilt on my shoulders) it still shows that i deserve better and no matter what i can not only move on but find a better path in life, and that this is simply one of those little challenges in life that really messes with our heads but just remember its there to make us stronger.

  • sweetsavannah

    Thank you so much for this! It really helped me a lot. Now, I’m already planning a lot of things to do this summer. God bless us!

  • tuta

    That’s a great article, I am in a stage where my long distance engagement is about to end. I pray for the power to move on and the well to live and not to break down. I used to refrain from meaningless relationships for the dumbest dream of saving my heart for the one whom I am supposed to spend my life with and ironically my choice was wrong and he ended up leaving me half way four months before the wedding. I don’t believe in fairy tales anymore but I believe in my own self worth and the kind of love I deserve. I know I am better off I just need to pull myself all together stand up and walk away from this misery. I just want to know how and you have helped me with those tips , thanks again :)

  • Elahboo

    its a good and nice article i read :)
    umm iloveit thankyou . .

  • stephanie go

    such a very inspiring writing. I hope i would be able to apply this on my real life situataion. Wiiiiiiish me LUCK! :D

  • sad bird

    its been 5months and still it hurts like hell…..it seems im having hard time forgetting about her. well thats life, gotta move on! in time, time heals all wounds.

  • Nema

    Im hurting and as much as you guys say it will get better.. it still hurts… do u think men realise how much they can hurt women??

  • Delilah

    I dated a guy for a year and we were serious on an emotional level.
    He got violent and the breakup took a long time. Neither of us wanted to let go.
    I tried everything to move on and I even changed my number but it’s like he has a part of me still. Anytime I get him on my mind I hear from him within days.
    I’m in a new relationship now. We’ve been together over a year and I love this guy more than I did the ex. But I still can’t let him go… They say time heals all but 2 years of being apart hasn’t healed this one.

  • jessie

    My boyfriend just broke up with me 5 days ago for another girl. I loved him so much that I even begged him to return to me. I am still hurting at the moment and will just burst into tears whenever I think of the situation. He even planned our future together, so I was not really expecting him to break up with me. But it just happened. I was thinking of what mistakes I had done for him to leave me. But in the end, we all just have to move on. I will surely miss him!

  • khim Lee

    i have a boyfriend we’ve been 1 yr and 3 months together and we just broke up 6 months ago but y did i cant still move on, i’m trying all the Technic to move on and make my self busy .. and the worst thing every min. sec he’s just appear to my memory while i have my studies etc. i really don’t understand why ?

  • Madhuri Guram

    Beautifully written! I’m sure I’m going to apply most of this soonish :D

  • Imad

    dear … i broke with a girl who lives in canada while i live in india …. din’t get to meet her since den …. we had dis 10 months relation n she broke off now … huh … b4 i googled how 2 move on …. i hv tried everythng on list i can assure u dat … it doesnt work newys …

    just cant live widout her … dats it ….

    if u r notified abt dis post …. n feel lyk helping a total dumb stranger ….

    here is my id don.nike@gmail.com

  • Mona Lisa

    Even though I finished with him two months ago, I still miss him. It’s not that I want him back but I just wish things were different. Thanks for this.

  • Blessie May Paconla

    I rally appreciate this! It help a lot
    God bless

  • Jaq

    I’m older and this was the only man I’ve ever fallen in love with. I guess for me the pain is overwhelming because experience makes me believe I’ll never find someone to love again. It makes letting go the pain & moving on so hard

  • saga

    nice.. helps a lot.. tnx

  • bjunei

    thank you… i’m gonna try your techniques.. these could really help me a lot after the pain i felt when me and my boyfriend broke up… i could use something new in my life… appreciate the things that i still have… i know things happen for a reason… and i just don’t know where to start looking for the answer… your techniques might lead me to a solution… thank you for sharing

  • jenny28

    My boyfriend and I broke up just this month.It’s really painful if you know that you did your best for more than 2 years.And your best doesn’t good enough for him.I asked him if he want’s to save our relationship..bt no answer from him.I love him so much more than my life..but things happen for a reason,i believe that there’s someone better for me.THANKS FOR THIS ARTICLE..IT WILL HELP ME A LOT.

  • Thanks!

    My boyfriend an I just broke up the other night. We’re just getting ready for our anniversary. And I’ll be honest, I’m still not over him. But knowing other people are willing to listen, keeping me company and knowing that I’m not the only one in the world with this problem, it really helps a lot.

    GOODBYE JERKS!

  • lexy0307

    I have just broken up with my partner of two years awful! I never thot a day like this will come, more so I am left with a kid to look after all by myself well it’s not the end of the world but it’s energy sapping, I work full time, i haven’t got many close friends, but this article is very helpful, just putting this down is a bit relieving, the feeling of emptiness is indescribable but am looking on the bright side of life and hope to find love again.

  • ribaibe

    i also broke up with my boyfie lyk two weeks ago but lyf has to move on.i infact feel sronger than ever n rilly lookin forward to havin a new relationship although i still need tym to relax n hav fun

  • eminem

    i have my 5 years boyfriend,we used to lived together for 3 years but now we wre separated,,,breaking up is not that easy especially if you both know tha treal love is all around you,,but sometimes due to lack of communication and the feeling of pride,no one dares to take the first stepto apologize..I love him very very much but i dont want to show my exagerrated feelings to him..and even though i try socializing…he’s always on my mind especially when it is time to sleep and in times like im alone…i cant help him band i know i couldnt love any guy like i love him.

  • ezra

    We’ve been together for almost 10yrs, but now, it isn’t working anymore:( I don’t feel that I’m special for him anymore, love got cold..
    he can’t even find time to be with me, he’s always busy with such things..
    That’s why i decided to end it,to let him go, though it hurts a lot.
    I don’t even know if i could still live without him, but hope i could…
    One thing more, I did everything to please his family but still, they didn’t like me for him, I can’t do nothing but cry just to ease the pain…
    I know I’m a tough girl and i can do this.. Live Life to the fullest without him!!!

  • hard

    we jst broke up..the reason ‘i disrespected him’ *sigh* ok! I was angry nd said something harsh..but u dont really mean things u blurt out when u’re angry..he doesnt get that. I’v apologized nd did everything but his ‘ego’ is too big. Well i have nothing to say now..enough! He couldn’t see how much i loved him..his bad luck! And now i hate myself for loving him so much. Uggggh!

  • haanz

    i was in a relation for 3 yrs,n broke up a mnth n a half bck.he usd to b evrything to me.but den his mum liked sum chic for him for 4 yrs.so he cudnt convince his mum bout me.he left me without evn givin me any reasn.he strtd being rude,insulting my parents,insulting me.i usd to b actualy begging him to get bck.but he never listend…though i feel a lil better than before..it stil hurts cuz d way he treated me,d way i loved him…i had never expcted or evn dreamt of sucha thing to happen..n nw hes gna b getn married..n all of d things whch i dreamt of,another gurl wil b living it…i feel terrible to wtch him gt married to sumone else..n thrs ntn i cn do bout it..i try to move on..n forgt bout him..but sumwhr in d corner of my head..evrything tat he did,3 yrs of our relation,his marriage wit sumone else…its stil stored out thr..i get nightmares of dis marriage.n i reli wish i cud erase d memories.

  • Shane

    i had been keeping him in my heart for six years…i had try all my best to please him..i gave all my life without reservations…all my life only revolves around him…i had trusted him…love him so much…in fact i prayed every night hoping that God may hear me…that he will be my partner in life…i had done all the things i can do for me to have him,,,,but right now im facing in the fact that i have let him go and give him up…it was hard..that i dont want to spend even a single seconds to think of him and to let myself hurt…it s so painful…God knows how i love him…that until now im willing to do everything just to have him back…i really want to have him back…..

  • guarg

    My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your website and a request for a specific love spell, and acc spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, acc spell. Words are not enough. contact him accspelltemple@gmail.com he can be a great help

  • kay

    My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your website and a request for a specific love spell, and acc spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, acc spell. Words are not enough. contact him accspelltemple@gmail.com he can be a great help

  • Adrian

    i have this girl i really love so much. we spent 2 years in a relationship ( but not committed). we were so in love with each other, but the problem is that my parents does not want me to have a gf until i finished college . We promised to each other that we will wait until graduation , but things suddenly changed when i said something awful to her, because i was angry. Then she text me that she needs some space, she said that I should trust her, and saying that she will always love me no matter what. I trusted her so much. We didn’t met for 3 months, because she’s so busy at school. When we met , i apologize to her, but instead of saying that’s okay, she said to me the most painful words i ever heard in my life that, She just been in Love with other Guy. I know our relationship was complicated, I really love her so much more than my life, i trusted her with all my heart and what she did to me is that. I only blame myself for everything. it is really so hard to move on, she is my first and true love .

  • Pam

    I am Pam from uk i broke up with my lover two weeks ago and i was hunt by my lover i decided to look for a spell caster that will help me bring him back? then a friend of my directed me to this great spell caster, and he help me solve my problem how my lover is back to me, to get his contact here i am to give you his contact wiseindividualspell@gmail.com worry know more run to him now for your help and he will help you out.

  • julliana

    WONDERFUL MAN THAT GIVE MY FAMILY JOY AND HAPPINESS AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ,
    I AM SO SORRY FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE CONTACTED A WRONG SPELL CASTER AND THIS ONLY WAY OF SUCCESS OF SPELL
    Hello To The World At Large, my name is, From mexico. I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster AND AGAIN I WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THIS SPELL CASTER, I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESIRE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman, And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever, So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question, That my lover started cheating on me lately, When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her, She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me, The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her, And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT, POWER, DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER, she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster. SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME, THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS DR.WILLIAMS UMORU. My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster, She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem, really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him, And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next three days, My lover that hated me so much came to my house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now..I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile !! The direct email to get to dr Williams is : {spellwarlords@gmail.com} ,This is what i want to tell you all for more enlistment contact me with this email address:mrsjulliana@gmail.com.. he is so powerful and helpful…..

  • Jones Nicole

    My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is onimalovespell@gmail.com so I had to contact him and in just 4days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man I got married to.I cant thank the spell caster enough what what he did for me, I am so grateful. I even spoke to the spell caster over the phone, to confirm his existence. His email again is: onimalovespell@gmail.com

  • Nadezhda Vyacheslav

    I have been reading about spell casting and its powers for a while but i never thought or it never occurred to me or i rather say that it happened that i never got myself in any situation that will make need the help of a spell caster. I read a lot of testimony on the internet on web pages, blog, and some on the Facebook page of some web site i linked with my Facebook with. I was more concerned about a certain spell caster MUTTON OSUN. That his name kept appearing on almost every comment form different individual claiming he has helped them a great deal in spell casting of all kind but mostly relationship problem that is from divorced man and women to lost love and cheating wife and husband was like don’t even know the word to use.All of them had just one thing in common that he help then resolved their problem that even therapist could not solve i guess the problem was passed the place where talking was not doing any good at all.But some how i believed them and their story cos the testimony were just too real and were from different people. I just enjoyed reading how he help those people and asking myself how possible it was that this spell caster could do all this with no effect of what so ever.Year they said his spell had no negative effect on the person who asked the spell to be casted and the person the spell is casted upon. I just wanted to know how it worked so i tried it and now i am among those writing this to tell those like me reading that this MUTTON guy is real. I am a single 32 years old mom of two two girls. I have always had a thing for this guy or i would say i liked this guy but he was kind of a mess cos of the lost of his wife.Like he had nothing to leave for any more.He never came out of this house and even went he did he doesn’t talk to anybody even i tried ti make a conversation he just smile so he doesn’t look cruel and then walk away.At night you can hear him breaking things and sobbing. I wouldn’t say i knew what he was feeling cos really i didn’t know but i knew i could make him happy again but no matter how i tried to get close he shuts me out. I really liked him and hated to see him miserable i mean he still have a chance to be happy with me.Contacting MUTTON OSUN was really easy for me cos all those other article had an email address i could use to contact him.So i send him an email to him but i didn’t get a responses immediately i mean it took three day before i saw his mail in response to my mail where he told me that he could help me make the guy to love.Am sorry i can mention my name or his cos i really don’t know who is writing this thing i am writing.Any way i was not allowed to tell any one till i have seen the result and important he told me i needed some materials for the spell casting.Most people tend to thinking his asking you to pay for the spell but not you have the choice to buy these materials and send them to him or you can ask that he get them for you if you can get the materials or the cost of buy and ship them to him is to much. In my case i gave him money to get the materials cos it was way less expansive. I guess he made some kind of harmless powdery substance with those materials and sent them over to me.He asked that i follow this instructions on how to make the spell active which i did. I must warn you it take at least two day to be effective cos it was after two days the man that never talks to me knocked at my door asking if i would like to watch movies with him at his place form there we kicked off.We have been together for 4 months now and still counting he is a really nice man i can am the luckiest woman in the world. I mean this only means that what MUTTON did is working and it changed both our life for good. I will also leave his mail here you contact purpose >> godsofosunx@rocketmail.com

  • Emma Russell

    I saw a testimony of Nadezhda Vyacheslav on how she got that guy to love her as she did him.Though i don’t know her, i believed her cos she said Mutton Osun a spell caster help her seen it happen.I didn’t believe her cos she used a spell i believed her cos she made mention of a mutual spell caster i know of that is mutton Osun. I have also see a lot of testimony about his work on the the internet on blog pages and so on.I literally took a lip of faith to contact him and it turn out that it paid off.In my own case i didn’t ask that him to make anyone fall in love with me or ask that my cheating wife comes back.This time i was at fault i messed up.Will really like to say it was an honest mistake or a few hours or days of weakness but then i will be insulting my wife and the love i feel for her.I was in full control of what i was doing i had the choice not to cheat but i still did. She didn’t find out by herself i told hoping if i told her how sorry i am and how much i still love and want to be with her despite my betray she will forgive completely.It was the biggest mistake of my life maybe i should not have told her, i guess she would have still found out if she didn’t catch me then i bet the other lady would have told her what was going on to destroy what me and my wife had.It was obvious my betray really hurt her i could she it in her eye and i was really sorry.That is why i wasn’t so surprise when she asked that we go our separate ways.There and then i realized that i was following the part that ruined my life and my family.I literally lead four month of my life in misery.I have never felt like i needed her like i had felt begging was not an option nothing was an option cos she was gone.It was right about that time Mutton Osun came into the picture or when i asked that he help me get my wife to love as she did before.I was able to provide the items he asked that i get for the spell and send then down to him.Like Nadezhda Vyacheslav said “the spell does become effective at once that ” she was right also cos just after i did what Mutton Osun asked me to do with what he sent me, it took 7 days before anything happened i even thought for a minute that i had met a fake spell caster but in the end i am happy with my wife again.We going to be renewing our vows on the 20th of September. I was on the edge of become a walking dead a woman with nothing to live for thank my star Mutton Osun helped.I will also leave his contact for those who thing he can help them { godsofosunx@rocketmail.com }