YSL just sent a fellow blogger some shoes (cough, Julia Allison, cough).
Now, it occurred to me that I’ve been putting aside all of my freelance income for 1) a black Prada bag or 2) a black Prada dress. Barring any major unforeseen expenses, I’ll probably be able to afford one or the other in November. Frankly, I would rather have 1) both of them 2) now 3) for free 4) with some sort of love note from the company.
Meanwhile, Lilit would like Bud Light to send her all the beer they’ve got.
Why don’t they? We’re special. Sure, we’re obese cat ladies, maybe not pretty like Julia, but we’re still special. The Ham and Cheese Smart Ones people, whose ads keep popping out at the top of The Gloss think that we’re more fun than a pig in a poke. Maybe we’re obese because of Ham and Cheese Smart Ones! Oh, they’re a diet company. Never mind.
Anyhow, we know it’s impolite to tell companies to bribe you. We’ve read The Rules. We know that we’re supposed to smile at them demurely and wear feminine dresses and laugh at their jokes until they love us. We know we’re not even supposed to return their calls. We imagine that “journalism school” and “ethics classes” probably devote a lot of time to company snaring etiquette, because that’s what they’re there for.
But we’re over that. We’re made some lists, and we’ve decided the following companies should love us and send us stuff. We would both like some vodka companies too, btw.
Here is Lilit’s List
- Budweiser (Bud Light, specifically)
- Bojangle’s Chicken and Biscuits
- Phillip Lim
- The MTA
- Whoever makes Cheerwine
Here is My List:
- Chick-fil-a (I would like you to open in New York next to my house, because I love you very much and miss you terribly).
- Every cupcake shop in the world, but if I had to pick one, I’d say Crumbs, specifically the “Good Guy” cupcake.
We don’t really know what to do to go about courting you other than putting out this post. Basically, Prada, Bud Light, Cupcake Shops Everywhere: We are actively pursuing you. We’re not going to leave the office or send you messages or anything, because we don’t know who to contact and you don’t reply to the love notes that we leave on your counter-tops. But know that as we sit here, we are thinking about you. We are always thinking about you. We are mindfucking you. In conclusion, we’re just going to let Cheap Trick do the talking: