• Fri, Sep 3 2010

Allie Brosh Presents: Six Ready Made Personal Ads

More and more people are turning to the internet to find love.  Dating sites, Craigslist and even many forums are full of potential soul mates.  But writing an original ad or making your profile stand out can be tiresome.  That’s why I’ve prepared six ready-made personal ads for you, each focusing on a different way to make people date you.

1.  Pique their curiosity

2.  Lower their expectations

When you were a kid, you probably figured out that your mom would be more likely to give you a cookie if you asked her for a puppy first.  By asking for a puppy, you created a frame of reference in which asking for a cookie seemed benign and harmless.  The same strategy can be applied when trying to get a date.

3.  Manipulate them with knowledge of the future

If a potential mate believes that falling in love with you is an unavoidable part of their future, they’ll be more likely to look past your faults and try to find some way to love you.

4.  Don’t let them know you used a personal-ad writing service

This ad is so authentic that no one will ever expect you didn’t write it yourself.

5.  Use threats to get what you want

6.  Bribe them with material goods

Figure out what resources you control and use them as a bargaining tool.

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Share This Post:
  • Jane

    First! (I think)
    I love you Allie!

  • audrey

    I would totally fall for the fishstick thing.

    • Corporate Tool

      Me too. I love fishsticks.

    • Kanye West

      You’re a gay fish.

  • April

    I think i have dated that velociraptor. He was Cheap. Lots of outdoor picnics where he would catch our food.

  • Misty

    #2 is fantastic. That would totally work. Especially if I was wearing a hair suit!

  • Chickalupe

    I’M FROM THE FUTURE!

    …This is going to be my favorite thing to say this week. Allie, you are so awesome!

  • Sarcastro

    Gosh, I hope my kids are that goodlooking….

  • Martha

    I love you for spelling “pique” correctly and using in its proper context. MWAH!

  • Morgan

    I haven’t been able to read anything on the Hyperbole and a Half site for 2 days now. It is just your background and a lot of white. I’m glad I found this website so I can get my Hyperbole and a Half fix while I wait for the website to stop acting weird.

  • Kate

    Man, if someone promised me fish sticks I would DATE THEM UNTIL THE ENDS OF ALL THINGS!

    http://arguingwithadoughnut.blogspot.com/- K.

  • mezz

    love love love

  • Jodie

    Meh.. Allie is losing her touch lately.

    • Bre

      Meh…Jodie has been such a whore lately.

  • Shannon

    You totally rock! I look forward to your articles all the time and have finally finished reading the blog (and subsequently sent the link to all my friends who appreciate hysterical humour). Keep up the good work!!

  • Brandi

    i love the picture for the fish stick ad! too funny!

  • Taylor-Kate

    The fish stick ad would have worked like a charm for me.

    So. Good.

  • Kitty’s slightly impared older sister

    Allie, I’m very happy to inform you that men all over the world are now employing your personal ads to their overall strategy of female domination, and the women are so desperate, it’s working! Personally I just passed an Adult store and am considering turning around and buying a toy instead. :-D