• Tue, Sep 7 2010

A College Is Offering Zombie 101

Aren’t you tired of all the useless classes offered by university? Business. Marketing. “Philosophy.” What do those things even mean? And how are they going to help you when the earth is besieged by zombies?

Your only hope for an fulfilling life post-zombie apocalypse is to become a Zombies study major. Thank God The University of Baltimore is finally offering a class on the undead. The course is being taught by Arnold Blumberg, the author of a book on zombie movies, “Zombiemania.” It sounds amazing. Unfortunately, it sounds like it doesn’t go quite far enough.

Now, yes, the students will be watching 16 classic zombie movies. So at least they’ll know a little bit about how people respond to things during WWZ. But that’s theoretical, people. I don’t understand why they’re not taking field trips to the shooting range. Or learning how household objects like hammers can be effective in the slaying of zombies.

Blumberg talks a lot about how different kinds of zombies represent societal trends. As if we just made them up! Hah! That’s what zombies want people to think. Look: zombies are real. Ant zombies first, then people zombies.

What these students really need to be doing is comitting Max Brook’s Zombie Survival Guide to memory. Quick! What’s the best vehicle to escape a zombie infestation? A bicycle. See, having that kind of inormation at the tip of your fingers is what seperates survivors from brain-food.

Step it up, Blumberg. Step it up or leave your students to become one of the shuffling throng.

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