During the first few weeks of every one of my relationships, I’ve gone through a weird little transition period of panic and questioning. It doesn’t matter how much I like the person. It always happens.
In the beginning, there is nothing but merriment.
The other person seems to walk around against a backdrop of rainbows and fantasies.
But then one day, you’ll be standing there talking to them about something inane and harmless, and suddenly something shifts and the person suddenly seems unfamiliar. It might be the way they say a particular word, or maybe it’s the way their mouth moves. Whatever it is, it launches you into a spiral of increasingly weird feelings.
The person’s face just doesn’t look right anymore. You can’t put your finger on why, but their features and words become all distorted and strange.
At this point, you’ll most likely try to find something familiar about them to latch onto. But this only makes things worse. It’s like when you think about the word “pumpkin” too many times and it loses all meaning and you can’t figure out if you’re even spelling it right or if it had ever even been a word in the first place. The harder you try to see it normally, the weirder it gets.
You can’t even focus on what the person is saying anymore because you’re too busy trying to force your brain to make their face make sense.
At this stage, it is extremely important to just stop thinking. Because if you keep thinking this will happen:
And then pretty soon, this:
And before you know it, you’re trapped in an endlessly repeating spiral of terror and chaos and vortexes and nothing about the person will ever make sense again.
And then you have to break up because you can’t love something that you can’t even attach meaning to.
But the good news is that once you become aware of the impending vortex of meaninglessness, it’s easier to avoid being completely consumed by it.