He Offered to Give Me a Pearl Necklace. I Thought He Meant Jewelry.

I was recently spending some quality romp time with a friend, lover … however one wants to categorize him. We were getting all hot and heavy when he whispered something in my ear. This person (we’ll call him Zach) isn’t really one for talking during sex. On several occasions he’s tried to convince me to talk dirty to him, but if he’s not going to reciprocate in the nasty convo, I don’t see why I should put myself out there. Our mid-coitus dialogue usually involves such award-winning lines as “it won’t stay in,” “ouch! Leg cramp!” and everyone’s favorite, “did you come yet?”

But the other day, when he whispered what I hoped would be a sweet nothing, he said: “I want to give you a pearl necklace.” I was confused, so ignored him. Then he said it again, but a little louder: “I want to give you a pearl necklace.” I pulled his head back so we could make eye contact, and I said: “Yeah, I heard you the first time.”

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not into jewelry. I’m not against it, in fact, I admire those who can wear it successfully. However, because I’m constantly wearing my black-rimmed glasses, I feel that wearing jewelry, for me, would be a little too much. When I do wear it, it’s subtle and practically invisible; it also garners such questions like “Why are you all dressed up?” Pearls, in particular, are definitely not my thing. Perhaps I’ve lumped them into the diamond category, as being perfectly fine for women over forty, but not so much for those on the younger side… yes, I may have watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s too many times.

When Zach said it a third time, I looked over at my bureau, and wondered if maybe what my life was really missing was a pearl necklace. I wasn’t sure where he was going to score the cash to buy me such an expensive gift, or why he felt it necessary to buy me a gift at all. My birthday is still a couple weeks away, and Christmas is months off, and… then, it came to me:

“You don’t want to give me a pearl necklace! You want to come on my neck!” I exclaimed. He nodded happily. “Why didn’t you just say that?” I asked.

“Because it sounds sexier when you call it a pearl necklace” was his defense. I did not agree.

Whether or not I gave him free rein to shower my neck and chest with his, um, man stuff, is not the point of the story. The point is, sometimes things are better left unsaid; sometimes things aren’t what they seem; and sometimes, when forced, bed is a great place to reconsider your original feelings on topics like accessories. After much internal debate, I’ve realized I’d look stunning with a pearl necklace draped over my collarbones. The kind from Tiffany’s, of course.

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    • Leah

      I appreciate the real message of this story – women should be using sexy time to accomplish more. I’ve decided now started using my sexy time for grocery lists, reconsidering my choice in conditioner, and maybe even reassessing my feelings about accessories. Bravo!

    • Abbie

      This story is so awesome there are no words. I find that when my boyfriend goes down on me is the best time to calculate what extra funds I’ll have for the week to spend on clothes and food.

    • Colleen

      That was hilarious….but the comments are sad *unless they are being sarcastic, in which case, awesome*…c’mon ladies, just ENJOY sex. No lists, financial affairs or accessory thoughts. Those kinds of thoughts are a contributing factor to why there’s such a high percentage of women out there who say they’ve never orgasmed.

    • Keebo

      lol lol lol This story is priceless.

    • porkchop

      SO FUNNY!! That is some award-winning dialogue. You have to remember to hydrate–that should cut down on the leg cramps ;)

    • erin

      amazing. i like that you call him out for what he is actually talking about doing. if you can’t just say it, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

    • Mary

      Let’s hope you said ‘no’ — letting a guy come on your neck is dirty, degrading, and disrespectful.

      • Steph

        Let’s hope she said whatever the hell she wanted.

        “Degrading” is about perspective. If you have to rate everything you do sexually on a scale from acceptable to degrading, you’re doing something wro- boring, and missing out on quite a bit. If you can see it as something enjoyable, a turn on for your partner, even just be willing to give it a shot..no pun intended, then it can be enjoyable for you, too.

        Yes, women can enjoy sex too. They can enjoy the dirty, filthy, ‘degrading’ parts of it just as much as the man. Without compromising self respect and dignity..well, not for any longer than it takes to catch their breath and grab a shower and a cigarette.

      • Jeff

        And that’s your opinion, many women find it quite hot and like it on their face and breasts too.

    • Carmen

      Uhm that guy is silly….To me,,,if a guy says something like that it give me the cold feet. I like dirty talk,,,hey i want to eat your tits or other things,,,but in the moment,,,,ufff…a pearlnecklace….really men think that semen is a gift from God?

      • Jeff

        Please stop speaking for all women, you have no idea how many women are into it.

    • Mac

      I find the comments here much more telling than the article itself. As a gay man with no stake in this topic, I just shake my head in pity. You wonder why there is such a disconnect between men and women? Just look at your attitudes— yours on the thread as well as the woman’s AND guy’s in the piece. Every single one of you approached this from the perspective that sex time was better spent strategizing, basically, playing control trip mindgames with the man, who was displaying a high school level approach to sex. All of you who think this way…. You have no hope of having a fulfilling, long lasting relationship as long as you play stupid games and use sex as anything other than coming together to enjoy each other’s love and the potentially awesome connection sex can be for two people.

      A pearl necklace? Who cares what one calls it? It’s just one variation in the vast selection of enjoyable ways to climax. If you look at it as degrading, you’ve got power and control issues that you are projecting on men. It’s just another climax and he should be giving you varied ways to climax as well.

      • Cheryl

        ^THIS. So much THIS I could scream.

      • Tim

        While some women work that way, most women do not. Most women need romance and affection to get off. So, giving a woman a pearl necklace is out of the question 99% of the time! Although you are a gay man, you are still a man and you get off the same way as all men do. As a man who has been with many women, it is just not that easy…even with an easy woman.

      • Jeff

        What world do you live in that giving a woman a pearl necklace 99% of the time is out of the question? My wife likes when I cum on her, she lets me cum on her breasts, butt, belly and her face. She would no problem with a pearl necklace.

        And you know what? She likes to do it to me too when I go down on her. If you’ve ever heard of female ejaculation (or “squirting”), that is.

        One of my first girlfriends was completely into it as well, she was the first to tell me “cum all over me”. I was only ever with one girl who didn’t want me to ejaculate anywhere but inside. She also wouldn’t let me go down on her, so I’m guessing she had other issues.

        Sex is messy and sometimes, the dirtier, the better. If two people are together and comfortable with each other, things open up quite a bit. Of course women want romance and affection, that much is true, but in my experience, most women are just as “dirty” as men, they just have different fantasies/fetishes sometimes.

    • Esteban

      What a prude. A woman who is into the guy she is with would let him do almost anything to her sexually. Cumming on your neck is extremely minor, and every girl I’ve been with has been into it, and I mean into it.

      • Amanda Chatel

        The verb is “coming;” the noun is “cum.” You must date some classy ladies who can’t spell. Hot.

      • http://www.facebook.com/bradoa Bradley Odell Avery

        The verb is ejaculating and the noun is semen.

    • taste the rainbow

      zach just skittled over me

    • Lala Lauryn

      Thats Gross… :3