Bitch, Please: Taking Sides In A Friend Break-Up And Friends’ Break-Ups

Recently, two friends of mine broke up — although, if I’m honest about it, the guy was my friend (and part of my group of friends) and the girl was just our friend because she was his girlfriend. It wasn’t a terrible break-up, though the guy was really hurt because they’d been together for a while, but it seemed like a straight situation in which she’d go back to whatever her pre-existing group of friends was and he’d keep us in the break-up. But she totally keeps coming around to, like, parties and stuff and acting like we’re her friends still. How do we make her go away?

Well, you could be a huge ass, which would probably work eventually. But if it wasn’t a bad break-up and they’re on good terms — or even if they’re not totally chill yet — why are you so keen to stop being friends with her? She might, goodness knows, have the silly idea that you were her friend when you acted like her friend because of who she is as an individual, and not just being friendly because you’re friends with her boyfriend. She might be one of those people who gets really deep into a relationship and doesn’t have a lot of friends anymore outside of the social circle she hung out with as part of a couple. She might be totally cool, or actually worth being friends with — or she might be intensely lonely and sad about the fact that the end of her romantic relationship means the additional loss of so many people she thought she was friends with.

So you could actually talk to her like she’s an individual person you might actually like and see if she’s worth being friends with on her own merits (something you apparently didn’t think of doing before), or you could tell her that her ex-boyfriend got you in the break-up (a shit move) or you could just ignore her and make passive-aggressive comments about her and generally be an ass until you hurt her feelings enough that she doesn’t come around anymore.

I mean, I know you’re pretty well planning on doing the latter, but hopefully you’ll now feel slightly guiltier about it.

If you have a problem with a friend, relative, coworker, or other person in your life, email Megan at If you have a problem with your boyfriend, you should probably just try talking to him.

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