• Thu, Sep 30 2010

Trains, Reunions, and Other Inappropriate Places to Fight

via Blogger

This morning I was taking the train into work.  I was zoning out, listening to my iPod, when all of a sudden I heard men yelling.  I took out an earphone, and saw a middle-aged balding man screaming at another seated man, who was out of my line of vision.  The conversation went something like this:

Seated man:  ”I’m trying to go to the bathroom in there and you’re banging on the door, flicking on and off the lights, it’s rude!”

Balding man:  ”I’m rude?!  I’M RUDE?! FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!  How DARE you accuse me-”

“I’m trying to go to the bathroom-”

“You were in there for a ridiculously long time!”

“I swear to God, I will fucking kill you!”

“Kill me?  Then get up!  Stand up like a man!  How do you call yourself a man, you fucking pussy?  Sitting there, actin’ all tough-”

“Oh yeah, right, actin’ all tough-”

“I could have you arrested!”

Shortly after this exchange, the balding man storms off into another car, followed closely by the man he was yelling at. I wanted to follow them so badly, but didn’t.  I can only hope there was a brawl.  The whole train car had been watching them and I realized I had a huge grin on my face and had been periodically looking back at the strangers behind me during the fight with an unprecedented look of glee, as if I was saying, “Are you catching this?  This is great!  I usually hate commuting but not today, my friends!”  I love any sort of public drama  if it doesn’t involve me.  This whole incident left me with two questions:

1) I’ve never used it, but aren’t the lights located on the inside of a train bathroom?  and

2) Did these two suburban men really think it was appropriate to have a screaming match at 9 a.m. in the middle of a train?

Lilit, our editor, recounts how she recently attended her 10-year high school and two former classmates got into a physical fight.  A former popular jock, Chad* who now lives in his parents’ basement decided to start picking on a former class nerd, Todd*, who actually now has a good job and a fiancé .  (Note:  Chad fits the perfect description of the classic burnout:  ”You can count on this former prom queen or football captain to be living in mom and dad’s basement and spending a lot of time smoking pot and playing video games”.)

The jock even went so far to ask Todd’s fiancé why she was even with him.   Tired of Chad’s bullshit, Todd decided to take the initiative and punched him square in the face, prompting an all-out brawl in the middle of the reunion.  Though inappropriate, Lilit couldn’t help but think, “Go, Todd!”

Where are some inappropriate places you’ve seen fights happen?

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty

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  • Leah

    All places are inappropriate for fights. Use your words, people.

  • julia reilly

    I AGREE WITH LEAH TOTALLY!!

  • Stephanie

    Unfortunately, I didn’t get to actually witness it, but the fight between my husband’s 2 elder, mexican aunts at his grandfather’s funeral is legendary. I heard that shoes were taken off and being used as weapons and lots of Spanish insults were flying. I’m sorry I missed it.