The Social Network premieres tonight! Are you excited? Yes? Us too! Here’s a funny parody of it! What about Burlesque? How awesome and campy is Burlesque going to be? You say you’re excited about it, too?
Well, stop it. You need to save all your excitement for Black Swan, because we’re pretty sure it’s going to be the best movie ever. The psychological thriller centers around Natalie Portman as a ballerina who has to suppress her demons when she stars in Swan Lake. If the trailer alone isn’t enough to convince you, here’s why:
1) Because it’s a movie targeted at women without being one of those sappy and-then-everyone-gets-cancer shitshows where everybody hugs while calling each other steel magnolias as though they were special little iron filings. Because women can by psychologically complex monsters whose eyeballs fill up with blood, just like men.
2) Because Darren Aronofsky also made The Wrestler. This is a guy who knows a thing or two about performers who push themselves past their limits to succeed. And they may seem unrelated, but being a ballerina and being a wrestler both seem like intensely physical, punishing professions.
3) Because apparently, Natalie Portman already has the Oscar sewn up for this. After seeing her performance at the Venice Film Festival the Washington Post referred to her as “Natalie Portman, apparent soon-to-be Oscar winner,” while The Times of London said “Portman is astounding… Awards are sure to follow.”
4) Because Winona Ryder plays an unhinged, recently deposed prima ballerina, and Barbara Hershey plays Natalie Portman’s overbearing stage mom, and it feels like it’s been a long time since we’ve seen them in anything.
5) Because ballet movies are just great. I’m thinking about The Red Shoes, but, to be honest, I’m also thinking about Center Stage.