Look, the fact that Tea-Party sensation Christine O’Donnell “will do what I’d do” were I in Washington is terrifying. I have a weak moral compass, so mostly what I’d do is “use my power to seduce interns” and “drink” and “accept bribes” (remember, large companies, TheGloss is always open! Leave your money in a brown paper bag in the trash can outside our office!). But the fact that she’s going to Washington to “do what’s you do” isn’t the point. The point is, despite that smokey black background, she is not a witch (she just dabbled). She’s you! But is she? Give yourself one point for each question you answer “yes” to.
1) Did your father play Bozo the clown?
2) Do you lie about your father playing Bozo the clown?
3) Do you seriously not believe that people will find out that you’re lying about your father being Bozo? The New York Times is the record of history, you fool!
4) Do you have no job?
5) Do you have almost no income?
6) Do you believe that masturbation is evil?
7) Did you appear on television to talk about how masturbation is wrong?
8) Do members of your own party say that you are “a con artist?”
9) Do you lie about your education?
If you answered yes to all of them, then, well, welcome to TheGloss Christine O’Donnell, you witchy woman, you. If you didn’t, then I’m going to say she’s probably not you after all.