• Wed, Oct 13 2010

Poll: Can An Affair Turn Into A Relationship?

I’ve always believed that people more have “affairs they forget quickly” than “affairs to remember” but according to AOL Health, I am wrong, maybe! You go, Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr! The article notes that sometimes an affair really is a matter of star crossed lovers meeting one another, stating:

Mira (not her real name) had been married to the same man for 14 years when she found herself falling in love with her yoga instructor. After developing a strong friendship and admitting their feelings to one another, the pair told both their spouses that they didn’t want to be married anymore. Mira sold her house and moved to another town, even as her new partner was still living with his wife. “I knew that even if he didn’t leave her, I was never going back to my husband. I was out. And I was happy about it,” she says. Mira says that she didn’t sleep with her new love until after her husband had moved out. She and her new boyfriend faced numerous court battles over money and custody of their children and finally wed in a private ceremony she describes as magical. “We are totally in love despite all of the challenges we have gone through. While we knew we would be judged by many, we also knew we were meant to be!” she says.

An affair is not the ideal beginning to any relationship but if you are honest with one another and willing to face the many obstacles that are sure to arise, it just might work.

Well, that’s nice. Good for them. Though a part (99%) of me still believes, like Sir James Goldsmith, that “when a man marries his mistress, he creates a job vacancy.” But I’m cynical and bitter and have only worn Scrabble tiles where my heart used to be. What do you think? Can an affair ever turn into a meaningful, long lasting relationship?

Share This Post:
  • Lauren

    It can happen… But I think the likelihood of whoever was the cheater stops the habit of cheating is about the same as me meeting a unicorn named Ester who dances on Tuesdays to earn money for world hunger.

  • Micah

    I cheated on my ex-boyfriend once. It was over for me and had been for a while. I hadn’t built up the courage to end it. Once I cheated, I had the push that I needed to let him go. I never told him about cheating. It wasn’t necessary to hurt him further. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for two and a half years and have not had any urges to cheat.

  • Micah

    I don’t think that an affair is an ideal way to begin a relationship, but life is so crazy that anything is possible.

  • Dollface

    It happened to me! We were both having affairs. Left our significant others and moved in. I have never been happier.

  • drea

    It wouldn’t work for me; if he cheated on his ex-girl friend why wouldn’t he cheat on me? what’s he going to say “oh yeah, I told her I loved her but when I say it to you I REALLY mean it.”

  • Stacey

    I think it could work, but it all depends on the person, what they are like and if you can trust them, meaning; they tell the truth, treat you right and prove they love you, by not only telling you.

  • Katherine

    Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time. I reconnected with the love of my life (who I had met 17 years before but had no contact with since) when both of us were in the process of ending our marriages. I was ready to get divorced from my husband and he was just beginning to start the long road towards divorce. I had been married for 13 years and he for 25 years. It was a very difficult time for me and it was twice as hard for him. He and I began to offer emotional support to each other and it led to us falling in love. We both had very similar dysfunctional marriages where our spouses lost enthusiasm and became disconnected and withdrawn from us. We tried marriage counseling for years and it just wasn’t working. We both stayed in our marriages for the sake of our children. Finally both of us realized that we only have one life to live and we had better start living it. He and I have so much in common and we have a genuine love and affection for eachother that I never thought possible. My divorce was final 2 months ago and he is still going though his. It has been a rollercoaster year of emotions for both of us but we are so thankful that we have eachother. Neither one of us feels that the other would ever cheat despite what many people would think. We are not the type of people that need someone on the side, we were just two unhappily married people that found love with eachother. I don’t know what next year will bring but I do know that I love this man with all my heart and I’m optimistic that we are moving in the direction of a beautiful life together. My best to all that find themselves in this challenging situation.

  • Sebastian

    I’ve going down this road right as we speak.. My wife and I have had an incredibly difficult year due to her beig diagnosed as HIV+ while being pregnant with our twin boys (now 8mths old). I’ve never left her side since the diagnosis, but she seems to have forgotten that we still can be happy. She feels as if her world is over, but I believe just the opposite.. She has, we have, the most most beautiful children in the world and I love her so dearly that I refused to leave even when she wanted me to. It makes me feel as if she will never be the same even though she has so much to live for and be happy for. With that said for a year straight she has pushed me away. Not allowing me to be her husband and not allowing herself to be my wife.. I recently met someone 3 months ago that makes me feel like I’m her world without any alterior motives. She knows that all I really have to offer is my love and all that comes with it. She knows of I and my wife’s situation and in spite of it all, she still shows me an amazing love that is truly unconditional.. She says and does things that my wife has never done.. She says she’s waiting on me, but won’t wait forever.. At this point I do love her just as much as she loves me.. It would hurt to leave my wife and my children, but I so want to be happy because I know I deserve that, even if it’s not with my wife. I don’t think she could ever overcome this so that we could go back to the way we were before. Thus I feel I will be leaving soon.. Am I wrong for what I’m doing or how I feel?