Okay, shoppers. Take a seat and listen up. This is important: you’re annoying. Yea, I went there. You annoy me. You annoy me and just about every other single person who works in retail because you have zero respect for what goes on behind the scenes. None. A little while ago Jennifer wrote about how you all suck as human beings when it comes to treating your cocktail waitress with respect. So we’re going to have another good talk, but this time about how to be a respectful shopper. It’ll be fun. Promise.
1.) An immaculately folded pile of graphic tees should remain immaculately folded. Do you know how long it takes to fold those shirts? A long fucking time. Do you know why? Because there are certain standards we have to adhere to while folding (with a really fun folding board might I add) so the pile can be immaculate enough to lure you to it. You mess it up, you make it worse not only for the people working there who have to stay until 1:30 in the morning cleaning up your mess (yea, happened last night … feel bad about it), but also for your fellow shopping peers. No one wants to try something on or even look at an item that comes from a pig sty. You ruined another shopper’s opportunity to admire a really great and comfortable striped shirt. You’re a mean person, that’s what you are. So here’s what you do. When going through the immaculately folded piles of clothing to find your size, you gracefully search for the tags that are sewn to it by the collar. When you find what you’re looking for, carefully remove the shirts on top of it, keeping them folded, take your selection and then return the folded shirts to its pile. You’ll annoy me less.
2.) Bring everything out of the fitting room that you brought in to the fitting room associate. There is a long line of people waiting for your fitting room and when you leave your shit in there, it takes even longer for us to clean it out, recount it and then let someone else back in. And then do you know what happens? We’re rushing to get everyone in and out of the fitting rooms and the piles of clothes that we have to sort, fold, re-hang and put back in the store in their proper places gets larger and larger and messier and messier and we have to stay until 2 a.m. cleaning up the mess. If only you had brought out all your clothes in the first place, everything would be a bit more organized.
3.) Decide you don’t want to keep something that you’re currently holding as you’re shopping in the store? Put it back where you found it. It’s polite. And it keeps the store looking nice. It’s really easy. If you forget where you found it, just bring it to someone who works there. They’ll hate you for the first five seconds but in the long run, trust me. You’ll be appreciated.
4.) Get to know what time the store closes. Lady who decided to sit on a bench and read in the store until 9 p.m. when we were supposed to close at 8 last night, I hope you’re reading this. We couldn’t close the registers until you left. We couldn’t start the majority of our closing routine until you left. Don’t you have a bed and a reading light at home? It’s 9 p.m. on a Sunday. What the hell are you still doing “shopping”? GO HOME. Yes, of course we don’t want to rush your shopping experience because we’re nice like that and essentially we want your business. But we’ve been on our feet all day and will be for at least three more hours after you leave, so respect our closing times and get yourself home.
5.) In a hurry? We don’t care. So many times, people get impatient when the alarm goes off because a sensor is still attached to their jeans. “UGHHH I’m in a rush. I can’t believe this.” I don’t care, dude. You’re rude. We’re just trying to run a business here and you’re going to have to come back anyway to get the sensor removed. And we don’t trust you. So if you put up a fuss, we’ll probably start to think you’re trying to steal something. So relax. We’ll take care of the situation as efficiently as possible because you annoy us and we want you out of the store ASAP too.
Do these things again and I’ll really hurt you. With words.