• Tue, Oct 19 2010

We’ve Known Our Nipples Should Be Rock Hard Since We Watched “Showgirls”

And now they can be made of plastic, too! For only $19.95 you can make it look as though you are so cold your nipples are poking right through your bra. That’s what being sexy is all about. And the Bodyperk Nipple Enhancers are now available in mocha! Do they work? Should you run out and buy a pair right now? It’s hard to say, as their testimonial page appears to largely be written by men pretending to be women and contains gems like:

can’t wait to test them on my perky D cups…i feel totally turned on just thinking about how sexy they’ll look…i love nipples…i love it when guys look at me too and i know they will even more when i get them

I LOVE NIPPLES!! i bought these nipples before i went on spring break and i got more guys than anyone there. People could not stop staring at my hot nipple-baring body clad only in skimpy bikini. i made out with more guys on the dance floor than anyone else there! body perks are THE BEST INVENTION EVER!

In conclusion, here’s the scene in Showgirls right before the creepy manager tells Elizabeth Berkley she has to ice her nipples (because I can’t find that scene). Think about how things would have worked out differently if she’d worn nipple enhancers.

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  • iheartellegirl

    these were on the first season of Sex and the City. you guys really are quick!

    • Jennifer Wright

      Oh, silly, it was the fourth season.