• Tue, Oct 19 2010

5 Reasons Why I Sometimes Prefer Masturbation to Sex

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of sex. I love it. I love oral sex, intercourse, some light bondage, a bite here or there, the occasional spank – I’m all for it. However, sometimes I want to subtract you from the equation. It has nothing to do with you or your technique, of course; but more about me.

1. I’m selfish.

I love you, I really do; okay, not really, but I do love you inside me. I love your groans and that dopey look you get when you think you’re making me come. But sometimes I just don’t have the interest in reciprocating. I believe in each of us playing an equal role in the sack, but when it comes down to it, I’m always going to love me more than you, and sometimes a girl just needs to put herself first.

2. I can focus on me (multiple times).

The best thing about quality alone time is I can do it over and over again. If I’ve called in sick to work, it can be an afternoon of orgasms, or at least until I get carpel tunnel Hell, I don’t think that would stop me either. I’ve always believed that too much is sometimes not enough.

3. It’s just an itch.

Although I love the weight of your body on mine, or your legs tangled around me, sometimes I just need to double click my mouse on my own. It has nothing to do with you, it’s like having a drink after a long day, a quick way to relax and unwind. And the best part is, if I fall asleep afterwards because I’ve relaxed myself that much, I don’t have to apologize to you later for taking a catnap mid-coitus.

4. You always come first anyway.

Do you ever notice how the game is over once you reach orgasm? Even if I have a wallet full of quarters, you’re pretty reluctant to give me a chance to “get there,” too. You do that thing where you pretend you’re into getting me off, but instead you’re just paying your dues, all while thinking about what might be on television. Choosing masturbation over sex means I don’t have to feel rushed or that I’m on a stage trying to come while you stare at me and ask “Yet?” with your facial expressions.

5. It’s a time thing.

To be honest, with the right vibrator or a swift twist of my wrist, I can make myself come in less than three minutes. I can do it quickly before work, between classes, and if I’m feeling really daring, in the back of cab on the way to meeting a friend for lunch. Granted, I haven’t tried the latter and probably won’t, but at least I know I can if the mood strikes. That fact alone is what really seals the deal for me: I’m an all-in-one self-sustaining, self-pleasuring entity unto myself. I’m the gift that keeps giving… to myself.

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  • Deed

    WOW. I loved your list, I agree 100%. But you sound anrgy & I wonder who you are writing to. I guess that is why I enjoyed the article so much.

    • nolalola27

      What makes you think she sounds angry? She sounds confident and secure in what gets her off. If that means she’s just a bitchy woman to you, you need to pick up a copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves.”

  • Blaaaaaaake

    It sounds like you need a new man lol.

    • nolalola27

      ::sigh::

  • bodo

    yeah, this is bad; you wrote on your employer’s blog that you’ll call in sick to masturbate until your hands hurt, which will cause even more time off work

    well done

    • Jennifer Wright

      We give ‘masturbation days.’ It’s in the employee handbook.

  • nolalola27

    Right on. I’d also like to add that sometimes I have to do weird stuff with my legs and make weird faces and sometimes I’d rather not have an audience at the time.

  • Eileen

    If I have sex with someone else, it’s about being with him, enjoying being close to him, taking pleasure in giving him pleasure.

    If I masturbate, it’s about a quick orgasm. It’s nothing against him. It’s a time efficiency kind of deal.

  • erin

    i wish i had read this article when i was younger. so much time wasted thinking i needed to have a partner…

  • somegirl

    OMG #4. I HATE THAT! it’s so distracting and stressful.

  • G

    Get a guy who can only (or at least most of the time) get off by getting you off. I know, I didn’t think they existed either. But they do. They do.

  • K.

    Oh jeez…. I’m the same way :) It just makes more sense! It’s quicker and I’m all about efficiency. Plus, I can go pig out or pass out after I’m done.. I usually take a shower and when I do that after sex, he gets a bit offended. The great upside is that I don’t have to wait for him to come while I lay there bored, thinking about what I’m going to do today. I know this sounds incredibly selfish and terrible, but I get bored after I come, and I just want it to be over… :(

  • Ron

    You should not give up looking for a man who is satisfying – they do exist!

  • Bald-headed Fool

    what’s funny about this is that a lot of men feel the same way! we will eventually become a society of autosexuals soon enough.

  • artistbreak

    I find it amusing that Nature created women capable of and lets face it most of the time wanting multiple orgasms with species mates that are defunct after one!
    There must be a lot of women trading emotional, financial security for honesty and sexual satisfaction OR they agree with your blog more than they feel ‘allowed’ to admit in society? LOL

  • Milo

    Indeed.

  • jbuk

    Wow.. This is depressing.. You have one crap situation there although reading this i feel more sorry for the poor inadequate bloke youre with! Would have to see a photo of you or see if you had any sex appeal to advise whether you could attract a guy who knew what he was doing in bed.. Chances are you can’t so keep wanking i guess! Life’s a bitch but we can always wank..

  • Jasa

    The guy you don’t really love probably feels the same way on most fronts.

    Get over yourself.

  • Dian

    My fiance likes for me to masturbate with his sperm after he has come and I haven’t climaxed yet. Sometimes we masturbate me together and I really think he could explode a second time!

  • Beest

    The problem I have with this is that I try to do everything in my power to make her happy in every way I can, and yet I end up lucky to even get sex once a week, if that! And when I do, about half the time it feels like charity sex! It is maddening to be told that she is too tired after a long day for sex, and then have her turn around and masturbate in bed next to me for like 20-30 minutes until she’s ready to fall asleep! It hurts my feelings! I have no problem with her masturbating, but what about me?!? I feel shut off from her sexually because of this to the extent that I start to catch myself resenting her when she finally “throws me a bone” once in a while, I get a surge of anger, but I go through with it anyway because I don’t know when I might get the opportunity again! I find it very unfulfilling, and if I weren’t in love with her, I would have walked long ago. She will go so far as to parade around naked, and do little things to tease and excite me, and suddenly, when it comes down to it, she is too tired, so she just masturbates, and leaves me hanging. I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!! She seems to think this is all no big deal, and it wouldn’t be if I was getting anywhere near an adequate amount of sex, but that, on top of the teasing, and then her constant self-pleasuring leaves me feeling unwanted and neglected

  • Raven

    I agree. I hate it when I am masturbating or my boyfriend is playing with me and he keeps asking “how close are you?” “Are you gonna come?” “Come for me.” I just want to say “will you just shut up and let me come in my own time?!” Also he’s told me he doesn’t like to make me come beforehand, he wants it to be spontaneous. I am sorry I can’t be turned on and off like a light switch. It’s gotten to the point that I would rather masturbate than have sex 9 times out of 10. I love him and I love our emotional connection, but sometimes I just want it to be about me instead of him all the time.