Recently, I opined that the best sex advice is no sex advice. And so I was a little uncomfortable with this article at CNN, “Why you should have sex at least once a week.” I can’t say that having sex once a week sounds like a bad idea, but again, I reiterate that no one really knows what’s best for your sex life better than you, and that any health professional that tries to apply a one-size-fits-all sex remedy to millions of people has gotten confused somewhere along the way.
Anyway, no sooner did I finish reading the article, than I noticed a name that I recognized. Turns out that the guy advising couples about how often to bone is the very same guy who recently alerted Details to the unusual sexual needs of “third-wave feminists”! In case you missed it, our friend, sexologist Ian Kerner, let readers of the magazine know that the reason women in our thirties want to fuck all the time is because of our politics:
“These are third-wave feminists,” notes clinical sexologist Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. “Female sexuality is part and parcel of the air they breathe.”
That’s right — it’s not because we’re just horny. It’s because we feel entitled!
In his CNN article, Kerner says that “I believe that sex ruts are becoming epidemic.” However, a small amount of digging brings us to Kerner’s blog, in which he reveals even more of his beliefs on the topic of sex ruts. For instance, that when husbands lose interest in sex, most of the time, it’s because they’re not into their wives anymore:
I see it all the time. A couple walks into my office, supposedly trying to uncover the reasons for the husband’s low libido. The wife expresses concern and her mate responds with that age-old cop-out: It’s not you, it’s me. Designed to placate and protect her feelings? Sure. But it’s also pure B.S. In fact, when a man like this no longer craves sex with his wife, it often is her. To paraphrase the recent bestseller, “he’s just not that into” her anymore…
…Maybe he’s bored with his relationship. Or he’s pissed off at her about something. Or she hasn’t lost the baby weight yet and he’s just not attracted to her anymore (nevermind that he’s put on some pounds, too).
Ah, the baby weight! You know what? That might be true — maybe there are some men out there who aren’t attracted to their wives anymore because of “the baby weight” (you should be shot). But do you know what kind of effect that statement has on women? That makes us think that men aren’t trustworthy, that they’re completely shallow, and it makes us wonder if we will ever be able to have open honest relationships with them or if they really are too driven by their dicks to ever see us as human beings instead of pounds of flesh.
And guess what happens when you open up that line of questioning? Why, we don’t want to have sex!
Anyway, I would say that this Kerner character, who is apparently busting into the mainstream, is just one more reason not to take sex advice willy-nilly from so-called experts — you never really know who you’re listening to.