It seems simple, right? But as this article of “Beer Pro Pet Peeves” shows, the way someone orders a drink at a bar is as good a personality indicator as the way they order a coffee at Starbucks. So here are a couple of things to keep in mind.
1. You do not “need” it. Just a simple word change, from “I’d like a rum and coke” to “I need a rum and coke,” majorly ups your douche quotient.
2. Do not complain about how long it took the bartender to get to you. If it’s a busy night or they’re shorthanded, the bartender will not appreciate you acting as if he or she is a slacker. If they spent half an hour texting before deigning to come over to you, feel free to complain, but you should come up with a Plan B if you need to leave the bar and drink elsewhere.
3. The opposite of Light is not Heavy. When the bartender asks if you’d like a Bud or a Bud Light, do not try to be funny by saying “Bud Heavy.” They have heard that joke already, I promise.
4. Don’t be super picky. It’s fine to ask if they make their martinis with gin or vodka, but if you have a drink order that’s so nitpicky it takes five minutes just to say, you might want to consider drinking at home.
5. Unless the bar is empty or you’re at a specialty event where you’re supposed to ask questions about the alcohol, do not pepper the bartender with dozens of questions about how old the alcohol is, where it’s made, whether it’s organic, etc, etc. There are ten people behind you who would like to order drinks, and they hate you more with every single showoffy question.
6. Don’t simply say the name of the drink without context. I knew a guy who always just walked up to a bar and said “whiskey.” You are not a character in a James Bond movie. You are a person. Try saying “Hey, could I get” before the words “whiskey.” Oh, and you might also want to clarify which whiskey you want.
7. Tip. You’d think this one would go without saying, but sadly, that isn’t the case.