• Mon, Oct 25 2010

Three Things I’m Considering Keeping to Myself

Recently, my fiance texted me the following:

“I read an article today that said don’t talk about your fantasy [football] team, nobody else cares how they do. Sorry.”

Naturally, I reassured him that I love hearing about the thrilling ups and downs of his fantasy football team — a statement about which he knows the truthiness — and that he could continue providing me with the updates I so cherish.

But his finding made me wonder if there was anything that was my fantasy football equivalent. Are there topics about which I rhapsodize, yet unbeknownst to me, those listening could care less? Surely not. But if there were, what might they be? …

The Real Housewives. I’m amazed that everyone doesn’t see the importance of the Real Housewives. It’s documentary work of Shakespearean magnitude and cultural value, and so I feel I’m just doing my civic duty by enlightening the masses about the most recent goings-on. Listen, I’m a journalist. I have responsibilities.  Oh, and don’t try to tell me that it’s not real. It is.

The sale that I missed. I know how horrible it is that when I went to buy new glasses the other day at the Oliver Peoples/Paul Frank $99 sale, I discovered that the sale was actually the following weekend and so if I wanted new frames on the spot, I’d have had to drop $250-$300. I assume that other people know how horrible that is too, and want to talk about it for a long time. And this really applies across the board — missing a sale can be traumatizing, and sometimes you need the support and comfort of loved ones to get through your grieving. Or so I thought…

The innumerable cute things my dog does. OK, I GET IT. Not everyone is a dog person, and not everyone cares that my dog is the best dog in the world, and not everyone wants to see all 200+ photos of her on my iPhone. FINE. I suppose it’s similar (but different) to how I don’t want to hear the same about people’s kids. Message received.

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  • Josh

    Hahaha! Hilarious!

  • Kait

    As a puppy connoisseur, I will ALWAYS be up for hearing about your dog! But I get the point. I don’t care about children…so I won’t be annoying about my mini-pig and many dogs I will own in the future.

  • bodo

    dogs are best
    read malte laurids brigge for further confirmation