Why I Hate Halloween

I love autumn. I love parties. I love candy. And yet, I hate the holiday when those things combine. I am the Grinch who stole Halloween. I am the Halloween Scrooge.

First of all, I hate thinking of a costume. It takes me forever to get dressed in the morning, and that’s when I have clothes right there in front of me to choose from. Having to plan a whole outfit way in advance is out of my league. Plus, the fact that I live in a city where it’s usually cold on Halloween always cuts down on my choice of costumes – Cleopatra did not need a parka on top of her sexy Egyptian garb. And like a true cheapskate, I hate spending money on something I’m only going to wear once. Yes, it’s possible I might find another use for that sexy cockroach costume, but I’d rather spend the cash on something that’ll last me a long time. Maybe even two days.

While I’m on the money tangent, here’s another reason for hating Halloween: it’s one of those nights that gives bars an excuse to charge twice as much money for the same drinks. It also means that many of the people imbibing said drinks think that the holiday gives them an excuse to act like drunken assholes in public without any repercussions. Here’s a tip: if you’re only an asshole underneath your costume, you are still an asshole. Also, have you ever tried mixing too-sweet candy with too-sweet cocktails? It’s basically asking to barf.

You know who hates Halloween possibly more than I do? My dad. Because it’s his birthday. Imagine if every year you had to share your special day with hordes of drunk people in pirate and slutty nurse costumes who had seven too many orange and black cocktails or if your romantic birthday dinner was constantly interrupted by kids dressed in polyester pumpkin outfits and their mothers who refuse to accept your candy because it’s not wrapped in biodegradable packaging.

All that being said, there is a holiday that I love: the day after Halloween. Half priced candy? I’ll take it. And then you can get off my lawn.

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    • G

      I was Daria this year for a Halloween party. Just go as someone who is supposed to be impassive and wears normal clothes like hoodies and t-shirts. I think I spent ten bucks on fake glasses and I didn’t even have to smile for pictures.

    • VIP

      Easy solution to the costume problem. Invest in a few costumes, they don’t even have to be good or high quality, and reuse them each year. Who cares about originality?

    • dh

      I hate it too. Halloween for people my age is an activity with kids. For those of us who will never and can never have kids its just a sad reminder. Oh and yeah Christmas is a bummer too. So instead of stocking up on candy I stock up on my beverage of choice. What sucks is that I too am seen as some kind of grinch by my neigbors. Oh well let them think what they want.

    • Kimmy

      I hate halloween as well. Although I am not yet 40, I have a 20 year old daughter. I am kinda done with the handout holiday for a while. I have no use to be tied to my doorbell for the 4 hour window. And when I was a kid, we were taught to say Thank you. The past few years, the kids, even with their soccer moms standing right there have no manners. This year, I took my daughter, and niece to a nice restaurant, then Barnes & Noble.

    • Desirae

      I hate it. I’m glad it was yesterday! I know I’m a kid, but I like Trick or Treating and I make my own costumes. (This year was a zombie pajama girl. Makeup worked really well on the face, and it didn’t cost a dime!) I hate it the most because people up my road egg you. The eggs take paint off cars, and that costs money. They cut down trees, put burning tires in the road, (Sometimes they egg you after you’ve stopped), and last year they burned down a house and cut power lines! There’s worse too, stuff that I’m too young to know off. Glad it’s over!

    • Meg

      I can see your point about Halloween itself being annoying, but I do love the entire time leading up to it. Horror movies on TV all month, cool stuff for the home (spider web fruit bowl!), pumpkin spice lattes, and candy everywhere, even if it is overpriced. And if you enjoy dressing like a bit of a weirdo, you always have a ready excuse. October is awesome.

    • Carol

      I hate how Halloween has basically turned into Slut Night for females. Slutty nurse, slutty teacher, slutty cop, vampire, school girl and on and on and on. There are many things a female can be but the one uniform requirement above all is that they be sexy/slutty. This is fun? I saw an ad recently that said, Sexy is the new scary for women’s Halloween costumes.” That’s really something to get excited about.