Gallery: The Worst Halloween “Treats” We’ve Ever Received

We didn’t want to do these before Halloween, because we didn’t want to go putting ideas into any of your heads. Because we think you’re the kind of assholes who would think it was funny to give these out, basically.

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    • Eileen

      I have a (non-dentist) friend who gave out toothbrushes…but only to the kids who didn’t show up in costume. Everyone else got chocolate, but trick-or-treating without a costume is lame.

    • Stella

      This year, I was introduced to a new level of nasty when I found candy corn flavored Dots in my nieces candy. Really, was it necessary to combine these two terrible candies?

    • MelbaToast

      My mom always bought the same three things for Halloween: Mounds/Almond Joy bars, because that’s what she wanted to eat if there were leftovers; Sweetarts, for kids who don’t like chocolate (little freaks of nature that they are); and raisin snack packs, for a healthy alternative. She let the kids pick what they wanted, and sure, there were leftover raisins, but surprisingly not that many more than the real candy.

      Also, I’d like to nominate Necco wafers for this list. For some reason I associate them with the religious tracts, as if the people passing them out were trying to convince us kids that sweet sweet candy wasn’t as valuable as our mortal souls. How wrong they were.

    • Jillian

      Now and Laters are the devil’s candy. They’re rock hard and taste like paper. I used to HATE getting them. Also, jawbreakers. I’d rather go through 10 tootsie rolls than try and eat one jawbreaker and end up having to go to the dentist because I chipped a tooth.

    • Lexie

      Mike and Ikes. They went immediately in the discard pile. Tasted like vomit.

      The Express, a free daily in DC that is ubiquitous reading on the Metro, had a list of “hot candy” items for this year’s trick-or-treaters. Organic dark chocolate and raisins? Sounds like a delicious Friday for me and the lamest night ever for a seven year old.