• Tue, Nov 2 2010

Modern Etiquette: The Do’s And Don’ts of Posting Your Wedding on Facebook

Planning a wedding should be a joyous time — albeit a stressful time — leading up to an even more joyous event filled with family, friends and love.

But for some people, getting engaged marks the beginning of a long life of oversharing on Facebook. It begins with 50 pictures of the proposal. Then the cheesy engagement photos. Then come the constant status updates about invitations, wedding colors and cake tastings, followed by a 300-photo album from the engagement session, 250 pictures of the shower, 101 images from the bachelorette party, and finally, the climactic 500-photo album of the wedding. From there, it’s constant updates from the sands of Hawaii during the honeymoon, and soon the pregnancy, and away we go.

But it needn’t be like this. In fact, it’s high time that someone issued a dictum regarding decorum when it comes to social networking updates about your marital goings-on — and that someone is me.

Behold, the do’s and don’ts of posting about your wedding on Facebook (in chronological order, beginning with engagement):

Do
Let the world know that you got engaged! It is very exciting. Remember to keep it short, e.g.: “We’re engaged!! John asked yesterday while we were on a hike in Malibu. I said yes!!”

Don’t
Immediately launch into post-engagement details about exactly the kind of wedding you have in mind (We’re thinking outdoors!! Maybe on the beach!! Already looking at places!! Can’t wait!!) This bodes very badly for the next year or so, an instills a feeling of dread in your friends.

Do
Post a handful of carefully selected photos of the proposal (if you have them), including one (repeat: one) sharp, in-focus shot of the ring.

Don’t
Post every photo that your fiance’s friend took with his crappy digital camera, including the one where an old guy is blocking the shot, and the other one that captures what is no doubt a special moment but is so blurry that you don’t even look like people.

Do
Provide the rare status update on planning as time goes on, with a special focus on moments of note — i.e., when you buy your dress. (Buy…not shop for, not try on, not get fitted for…buy. And take home.)

Don’t
Give status updates about every single wedding-related task, like the fact that you’re now choosing between cream and ivory for your centerpieces. There is no positive correlation between how interesting minutia is and how much it has to do with a wedding.

Do
Say the occasional nice thing about your fiance. I’m sure he or she is a lovely person.

Don’t
Use your year or so of planning as an opportunity for constant, slobbery verbal PDA.

Also, don’t
Begin reinforcing gender roles until you are nothing more than a faceless “wife” and your future spouse is nothing more than a faceless “husband.” (“Asked Anthony about the chair cover colors, and he just nodded and said ‘whatever you want!’ Guess weddings are all up to us ladies!”)

Do
Let the world know that there are only a few days until your wedding…

Don’t
…let the world know how many days there are until your wedding every day for three months.

Do
Go through your professionally shot pictures after you get home from your honeymoon, carefully select the best 20-30 photos, and create an album on Facebook. Isn’t that lovely?

Don’t
Collect photos from all your friends and relatives and indiscriminately upload them. Especially not if you want anyone to actually look at them.

Do
Have a wonderful life together, and try to accept the fact that your wedding is over.

Don’t
Immediately start writing about how much you love your husband or wife within days of getting married. Also, please don’t post things on each others’ walls like, “can’t wait to see you at home, hubby!!” We get it. You’re married.

Some Final Thoughts

Listen — it’s not that everyone isn’t super excited for you and your wedding. But the thing about oversharing on the topic is that eventually, it starts to feel like one of a few things are happening: 1. You’ve completely abandoned your former life, which feels kind of sad to your friends who were part of that life. 2. You’ve gone beyond sharing happy feelings to bragging. 3. Your excitement is not real, i.e. you doth protest too much.

If any of these things are true, it makes it really hard for your friends to stay as happy as they were for you when you first announced your engagement. And no one wants that — least of all, those people who sincerely congratulated you on your Facebook wall. So try to tone it down, be appropriate and remember — keep it classy.

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  • Amy;s Cooking Adventures

    I completely agree!

    Another don’t:
    Constantly update your Facebook from your honeymoon–don’t you have anything better to do? You’re on your honeymoon for goodness sake! Enjoy it!

    Great post!

    http://amyscookingadventures.blogspot.com/

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  • Allyson

    Agree! I also can’t stand when husbands/wives constantly write on each others walls/statuses through out the day…. even long after the wedding has passed. I mean c’mon, you’re married! You see each other every day when you get home from work, please TALK… like in person, not via Facebook.

  • Emma A

    YES!

  • The Raisin Girl

    Meh. I say, if you’re getting married, that’s a big freaking deal. Go overboard with your excitement if you want to. It’s just facebook, it’s not like it’s real life. If they don’t want to look at 100+ pictures or read your status updates, they don’t have to. Why should you conform your behavior to the expectations of others concerning an important time in YOUR life, especially on a social networking site where people can completely choose whether or not to have anything to do with you.

  • Shae

    Please write another one of these about new parenthood.

    Don’t: Tell the world how many ounces of formula your baby is now eating at a time.

  • Alicia

    Seriously. Your close friends care about your wedding but if you have hundreds of facebook friends, the odds are most of those people don’t care. Especially the people you know you’re not going to invite. If I’m not even going to get the opportunity to get drunk at your wedding, assume I don’t care about the mundane details of your invites or your search for the perfect caterer or that you are marrying the “best man in the world”.

  • Ingemnilm
  • Patsy

    COMPLETELY agree! And, I just got married! (Luckily, I adhered to the above “rules.”)