• Wed, Nov 3 2010

What It Feels Like to No Longer Have an Action Hero as Governor

As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, yesterday was voting day. People hit the polls — shit went down.

And for us Californians, yesterday’s events mean that it’s now time for us to say a tearful farewell to our former governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Austrian bodybuilder known for grunting out one-liners who finagled his way into the governorship through methods of trickery that some of us still have yet to understand. (That’s right, ye of great east coast snark — we didn’t all want Arnold in office. Smear THAT on your bagel and eat it. And yes, mom, I’m talking to you.)

Nevertheless, it is with some trepidation that I write this, a bittersweet adieu to a completely ineffective yet remarkably prominent legislator, a man who managed to be both sexist and coy, to do nothing and still make headlines, to take our state into depths of debt the likes of which few states have ever seen, a debt that our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be paying off for their entire golden-state residing lives.

What does his leaving mean? Well, for one thing, without this man, every time that I go to say something about our governor, rather than having to write and re-write the name “Schwarzenegger” eight hundred times, all I’ll have to say is “Brown.” So we can be sure that my typing skills will suffer.

And honestly? With this change in regime, I will be confused. Because I am to understand that this “Brown” character has a background in politics. (A shaky background, to be sure, but a background nonetheless.) What does that mean? For a politician, no less? I have no way of processing this fact. What kinds of cheap shots and I going to take at someone who has actually held office before? What kind of madness will ensue with someone in charge who has read legislation prior to taking office? This is just too much…too much…

As you can see, saying good-bye to our action hero governor will take some getting used to for Californians. Which isn’t to say that we’ve a) seen the last of Schwarzenegger the politician, or b) there isn’t hope for a different action hero to be elected in a surprise recall vote. But for now, I guess it’s good-bye Hollywood, hello reality. Snoozer.

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  • Eileen

    The downside to this Brown character is that if your state ever needs to have another garage sale to raise money to pay its debts, the governor’s signature will do nothing to increase merchandise’s value.