• Thu, Nov 11 2010

Do You Have Any Regrets About Relationships?

via Daily Mail

An article on Lemondrop lists 24 secret regrets that anonymous women in their 30s now have.  A popular theme among these regrets deals with relationships.  Marrying too young, moving for a relationship, affairs, having children, etc. were mentioned throughout.  Here are a few of these regrets:

1. I regret encouraging you to move to my neighborhood. Truth is, your husband is incredibly hot and if you did move here, I think I could get him to cheat on you with me. I don’t want to test that though. Please stay where you are. — Female, 30

2. If I had a second chance to do ONE thing differently in my life, I would never have slept with him, because then I wouldn’t have spent several years afterward checking my son’s features for similarities to him. I know now that he’s my husband’s son, but those were some awful years, not knowing. — Female, 36

6. I regret that because of the pain you have caused me, because you can’t be anything but selfish, because you are continuing the affair and denying it, that because of all of those reasons, I’m going to wreck myself and have an affair just to hurt you. That because I feel like an outsider in our marriage, someone who is ugly and not worth love, I’m going to seek attention elsewhere. I don’t regret the hurt I’m going to cause to you, but I will regret that all my morals are disappearing in my desperate need to feel loved. By anyone. I regret that I’m not going to be the same honest, faithful person I was, because of you. — Female, 35

7. If I had a second chance I would not have had a retaliation affair. When I confronted you about stepping outside of our marriage you were horrified, and did everything possible to try and make amends, even marriage counseling. I couldn’t bring myself to forgive you. I wanted you to experience the same indescribable pain that you had caused me. So, I cheated while I was on a week long vacation with friends. I am so ashamed of myself, and don’t think I will ever be able to tell you. I should have just left things as they were. I feel worse now than before I strayed. This wasn’t a victory. I didn’t get the smug satisfaction I thought that I would by sleeping with another man. — Female, 32


10. I regret getting so comfortable in my marriage (which ultimately failed) that I let myself go and now, as a single mom pushing 40 and 300lbs, nobody wants me and I’m facing a life utterly alone and lonely with no way to change it. — Female, 38

12. I regret getting married to my high school sweetheart. We should have never decided at 17 that we should be together forever. I regret not living on my own for a while just to know I can do it. I regret letting you choose where we live because I hate it here. I regret living my days as numbered just waiting until the kids are gone so that I can be too. — Female, 39


15. If I had a second chance to do ONE thing differently in my life, I would not have put my job before my family because it gave my husband a reason to have an affair and I totally understand it now. Not that it makes it right, I just understand that he wasn’t the only person to blame. — Female, 38

22. I regret that’s my marriage has turned out like my parents. We stay married for our daughter and financial reasons but neither of us are brave enough to admit it. — Female, 34

These scare me, okay?  As a woman in her early 20s, I am at an age where I have to make a lot of important decisions (or at least it feels like that right now).  Where should I live?  What career path should I go down?  Which job should I take? are all questions I am constantly asking myself.  I am forever seeking life guidance and advice from anyone I can talk to, because I am afraid I will make decisions now that I will regret in the future.  Reading these regrets about relationships expressed by women in their 30s scares me.  I think everyone has regrets and there is probably no way of knowing whether or not I am making the “right” decisions, but it doesn’t stop me from trying to take total control of my life and trying to figure out my next move ahead of time.

I’m wondering, does anyone else in their 20s feel this way?  Do any women in their 30s and up have similar regrets, different ones, or no regrets at all?

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  • Andrea

    As a not quite 30 year old, I already share some of the same regrets as these women. Especially the last one. I have been married only a short time and I am already to the point that while I love my husband, I am not IN love with my husband. And yet I stay in the marriage because frankly, I am scared to leave and once again be a single parent.

  • Eileen

    Hmm. I don’t. Maybe it’s because my parents are so happily, healthily married that I have a rosy view of marriage (as afraid of it right now as I might be), or maybe it’s just the kind of person I am, but I’ve always believed that you can find a way to be happy in almost any situation. If I end up married to someone I respect, care about, and can enjoy having sex with – who is at least a relatively responsible adult – that will be just lovely.

  • aislinn

    I’m not the type to tell you not to waste your time worrying about everything. Hell, I think I worry about just about everything there is. But frankly, you can’t control where you life goes. Do what feels right and what is logical, to the best of your knowledge…and that’s all you can really do in the end. I try not to have regrets, just to move on with it and accept it for what it is.

  • Angie

    I, unfortunately, share some of these regrets. However, I also think that no matter what path you choose you will always/sometimes wonder “what if…”; it’s human nature.

    As an almost 40 year old woman who has been married her entire adult life, though, I would encourage you the same way I encourage my teenage daughter–do what YOU want to do. There’s world enough and time for everything; just make sure that you can support yourself and that you’re happy. I married immediately after college because I was too scared of the future; what I should have been scared of was my true future–pushing 40, no job skills, a lackluster marriage, and no discernable way out.

    There’s no hurry. This is your time, enjoy it.

  • Shelley

    One might say there are no big decisions, just millions of small decisions day after day. The reason these women have regrets is because they know there’s a problem and they’re doing nothing about it. If you already regret your marriage at 30 chances are at 40 you’ll look back and wish you would have left then. And then at 50 you’ll look back at 40 and wish you left then. For your own sanity make peace with your decision or change it. Torturing yourself is a pointless waste of time. Unless you’re catholic, then it’s a requirement. ;)

  • Marie

    For all you married women out there who wonder if they should have just had a career: I’m in my early 40′s and single. I’ve had a very successful career. I ignored relationships to have “success” — but it’s all very hallow when there’s no one to share it with. I likely will never have children due to my age and singleness. Money and success do not keep us warm at night. They don’t hug us, don’t listen to our joys and sorrows. Also, our bosses and coworkers love us only as long as it’s good for their careers — make no mistake about that — business is business, those friendly folks at work are NOT family, despite what they might say or how it might feel.

  • G

    I the conflicting regrets based on situation basically comes back to a major human flaw: we want what we can’t have, what we don’t have. It’s dwelling on THAT that makes us regret. If you can’t do something about your situation, accept it, enjoy the little things. If you can change it but your afraid, you need to tackle the issue are its source. People regret FEAR, not situations. They are afraid. Fear always leads to regret.