• Fri, Nov 19 2010

Why You Shouldn’t Be Flaky

Sometimes, we meet someone we’re just not that into. But based on the number of times that he calls and texts, we know he’s into us.

For whatever reason — usually, because we don’t want to be mean — we ignore him, figuring that he’ll get the message and leave us alone eventually.

But deep down, we know we’re doing him dirty. After all, he was nice, and he was respectful, and he’s a great guy, just not the guy for us. So we should just let him down quickly and easily, right?

Um…yes. And here are a few reasons why:

The numbers are on your side when you’re direct. Sure, it might seem easier at the time to ignore his calls and his texts, and let it run its course until you get the inevitable angry voicemail, and can then call him an asshole (which he is). But going that route will take a little while.

If you are direct though, the 10 seconds of awkwardness caused by saying, “I’m sorry, I’m really not interested” will be measurably less than the weeks of dreading hearing from him, and feeling angry and guilty that he’s not getting the message and you’re not doing anything about it.

It encourages men to think really, really dumb shit…like this, printed in an article at AskMen.com, which says that when a woman is flaky, she’s either not interested… or

“she’s testing you. These things she’s doing are classic examples of how women work men, trying to see how much control they have in a relationship and how strong you are. Women can do this by running hot and cold. They may wait to call you back (or not at all). They might flake out on plans. No matter what, they’ll probably ask tons of questions without revealing much about themselves.”

First of all, newsflash, AskMen.com and men in general: Women in general are not wily undercover spies/assassins. We’re not tricky and manipulative as a gender. We’re just not always sure how to tell you we don’t like you, and we don’t want to hurt your feelings, cause you’re nice. But you stop seeming nice really quickly when you print dumb shit like this.

OK — now back to you, gentle reader. I know that men are responsible for thinking the dumb shit that they think. But it takes two to tango, and they will never understand us if we allow them to continue to listen to morons like whoever wrote this column — guys who believe that when we flake on them, it’s because we are all covert Mata Haris just waiting for the right time to run elaborate schemes on their feelings in order to corner them into relationships.

God, men’s advice columns are stupid.

It’s just not a nice thing to do. I’ve covered the whole nice thing here before. And the thing is, flaking just kind of isn’t nice. It’s disrespectful, it leaves you knowing that you haven’t been straightforward, and it also leaves whoever you’re ignoring feeling like shit. Yeah, it’s more challenging to be direct, but it’s something we’re all capable of. Now let’s go make the world a better place.

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  • nolalola27

    I was guilty of being the flake for a long time, until I realized, like you said, being direct has better results. You might hurt his feelings, and it could be awkward, but it’s way better than getting to the creepy phase, or the phase where he trash talks you for being a jerk.