• Mon, Nov 22 2010

Celebrities We Irrationally Hate: Paz De La Huerta

Look, I was raving in the office about how much I hate Paz de la Huerta, and people were like “you should write about that! We love hate!” and I was all “no, no, I probably just hate her Boardwalk Empire character, who is a villain anyway, so it’s not fair to hate her. What if she reads here and is offended? I believe irrational things about our readership. That would be awful. I’ll look up some articles about her that will really make me like her a whole boat-ton.”

So, I did, and Jesus Christ, Paz de la Huerta may not be a terrible person, but everything written about her is REALLY making me hate her.

Look, first off, she’s not helping her case that I can hardly find a picture of her with enough clothes on to post on the homepage without freaking out the advertisers. I would like to point out that I’m in favor of nudity. Really. And you know, semi-gratuitous nudity at that. I thought it was the lamest thing in the world that SJP never got naked on Sex and the City when every single other actress on the show did (and the show had Sex right there in the title). But good lord, woman, does this need to be your whole shtick? Could we have one episode of Boardwalk Empire where you appear for longer than 30 seconds and keep your clothes on? Oh, I’m sorry, I guess I forgot that you are a sexual being. Huh.

Well, to be fair, that really could be the director’s fault, you know? And, umm, your body looks great Paz (I am trying so hard not to hate you). And maybe I am just jealous of your sexual beingness. But then you come up with lines like this in the New York Magazine piece:

It’s a Sunday afternoon, and Paz, exhausted from filming the upcoming HBO series Boardwalk Empire, has decided to spend a few hours at a bathhouse on Fulton Street. “I needed this,” she says, exhaling a deep whistle, expelling the weight of the world from her lungs. “This construction worker I’ve been fucking has really been keeping me up late.”

You know what I spent last night doing Paz de la Huerta? A PUZZLE. Which is completely reasonable information to share with an interviewer. Talking about the construction working you’re doing while sitting in a Russian Bath is not. This is just… deliberately provocative in a way that makes me cringe. And honestly? Fuck you for pointing out “ooh, he’s a construction worker” as though that somehow makes you down with people. It doesn’t, Paz, it doesn’t because:

she continues to knead her breasts while loudly discussing her most recent romance. “I think I’m attracted to outlaws because they make me feel safe inside, like a little child.” She drifts into Carmen—“L’amour est un oiseau rebelle, que nul ne peut apprivoiser”—and then translates for her audience, “Love is a wild bird that doesn’t obey the law.”

Are you kidding me?  Are you somehow parodying how a hilariously pretentious bint would act on an interview? IS THIS JAMES FRANCO-ESQUE PERFROMANCE ART? Because otherwise, I do not understand how you sat around – on an interview for New York Magazine - kneading your breasts while saying randomly selected words that make no sense and quoting maybe, the most obvious line from an opera in the history of the world, and then translating for your audience. Because, oh, sure, no one else speaks French.

Oh, God, I hate you, Paz de la Huerta. I hate you. Hateyouhateyouhateyou. Wait. Let’s just let this hate flow free. Let’s let it go like a wild bird that doesn’t obey the law.

Paz fills a plastic bucket and pours it over her head, the ice-cold water splashing a woman nearby. She fixates on the bulldog’s transparent trunks and begins to laugh hysterically. “Why does cold water always do that!” she shouts to no one in particular, pointing to the bulge in his shorts. The bulldog, who is covered from head to toe in tattoos, looks at her sheepishly as his comrades laugh. “What are you, crazy?”

Paz becomes very serious. “No,” she says. “I’m Paz. It means peace. Get it, got it, good.”

WHO ARE YOU, WOMAN!? WHO DOES CRAZY SHIT IN PUBLIC AND THEN BECOMES BIZARRELY DEFENSIVE? WHO USES THEIR OWN NAME AS A RESPONSE TO INDICTMENTS OF THEIR CRAZY BEHAVIOR OTHER THAN CHUCK BASS?

Whew, sorry, wow, that hate was really flying with an extreme sense of liberation for a minute there. I’m going to reel it in as I would a bass.

Okay. That’s over now. Paz out, everyone.

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  • nolalola27

    THANK you! I am 100% with you. She is like, the exact opposite of everything I wanted to be when I was 19. Seriously. I could’ve used her as the anti-role model:

    “What should we do today, Nolalola19? Let’s see what Paz de la Huerta is up to in her latest interview, and do the opposite!”

    Seriously. Pretentious, needy, immature, dropping “construction worker,” like some guy would drop “cheerleader,” (like, he’s sexy because of his job, and that alone), trying too hard with the sex thing, self-referential BS which is undeserved since nobody knows who you are..UGH.

    And to any of the bitches who wanna get up here and be like “Psh you’re just jealous because she’s in a fancy HBO show,” shut the hell up and quit acting like you don’t have irrational hate freakouts about some chick who embodies everything you try not to be.

  • Beth

    I don’t even know who this bitch is and I hate her. Anyone who tries that hard to be “sexually liberated” probably sucks in bed and has super low self esteem. It’s like guys who try to compensate for being small (either short overall, or short in other places) and buy big trucks and are super loud and go on about how women love them.

  • nolalola27
  • Amanda Chatel

    Three cheers for Jennifer! I loved this!

  • Hannah Rose Siegel

    Ughhh. I hate her lips, her crumbled eyebrow, her slow, stupid way of talking, and the way she says “daddy.”

  • Kat

    I don’t even know who she is, but she seems like she’s trying WAAAAY too hard.

  • theWickedWitch

    Funny!! OMG, I’d never even heard of her before, but I think I hate her now, too!

  • Brooke

    So glad you wrote this…I have been feeling this for some time but never verbalized it. That NY Mag article was insane and made me want to take a shower. Paz is deluded in thinking she is anything important in this society. Next!

  • S

    Haha. I had this exact same reaction and read that same NY mag article and felt totally justified. She clearly has major daddy issues but all that exhibitionism aside WTF is up with her constantly being broke? The author said she mooches meals off people at every opportunity because she spends all hers on clothes. You can’t afford to EAT because, despite the fact that you are constantly naked, you spend your entire HBO-sized salary on clothes? Riiight…if my “clothes” he means drugs, I might be persuaded.

  • macalny

    Amen, sister! I CANNOT STAND THIS WENCH. I am so over her self-righteous attitude; she’s a one-trick pony! So she’s curvy. She’s also got an icky face and apparently no talent (taking off her clothes and talking about sex do not count as talent). She clearly has self-esteem that is subterranean, major daddy issues, and a need to be in the public eye to feel validated. Sad. So, so sad. And, based on the NY Mag article, clearly rather unbalanced. She is a great example, as the first commenter said, of what NOT to do in life.

  • Eileen

    She sounds absolutely obnoxious.

    That having been said, am I misreading things or did the author admit to being her ex-boyfriend? Something tells me such a person might not necessarily be completely objective.

  • Jessica

    I couldn’t agree more!! I hate, hate, hate her too!! She is such a horrible actress that whenever she speaks in Boardwalk Empire I would like to slap her face through the television. The show is absolutely amazing and she just makes me want to take a hammer to my television. Two thumbs down for this horrendous actress!

  • anon

    Thank you for writing this….this woman is not attractive and can’t act her way out of a wet paper bag. Glad to know that I am not the only one who feels this way!

  • Jamie

    Don’t forget the asinine stuff she said about the whole Terry Richardson dealie…you should keep your molestation story to yourself and heal in private! It’s the only seemly thing to do! She did, and look how well it turned out for her.

    Also, yeah, bitch comes from money and makes lots of money, so I can only conclude she’s got a pretty serious drug habit if she’s always broke. Either that, or she’s making a game of how much she can grift from people. When the most charitable explanation someone can come up with for your behavior is drugs, you know you’ve got a problem.

  • Flower

    Oh thank God! I thought I was the only one that hated her. She cannot keep her clothes on..it’s like having sex is all she can do. And her voice is extremely annoying to me, and the “sultry” eyes she tries to do. Thank you for writing this. I hope her character dies on Boardwalk. I cannot stand to see her.

  • jessica

    She sounds like a typical pretty rich girl, except (in my opinion at least) she is not pretty. At all. I mean if I had to pick her best asset, it would be her ass, no pun intended. But seriously, I was shocked to find out that she is only 26, she looks more like 36.

  • Annika

    Yes, yes, yes! So glad I’m not the only one. I’m so sick of exhibitionist hacks like this woman getting attention. Ick. Enough already.

  • ana

    i feel like i’d like to be friends with all of you. I ve had enough of this woman playing the same sex crazed character on anything she’s ever paid for. That’s not acting! you’re just playing a different costumed version of yourself which just emphasizes how hard you are trying. For real, if she was cool she would just walk around with a dildo in her mouth, vibrating. Plus she’s a terrible actress. Im sorry, she has very few moments on Boardwalk that are ok, but the accent alone, coming and going when she decides to be Spanish or from Long Island is fucking distracting. She’s awful, and she’s the queen of all girls who say things like “i dont have any female friends because they all become jealous of me”…

  • Joanna

    Thanks for the article Jennifer, and thanks everyone for the comments posted here.
    I don’t normally waste any time being irritated by actresses at all, but I watched the entire ‘Boardwalk Empire’ first season last week and suffered through ‘Enter the Void’ last night. Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed with irritation at this pretentious-no-talent Paz de la Huerte!

    I mean sex always sells, but while during the late 80′s and through the 90′s objectification of women became a bit more subtle and sophisticated, we seem to have regressed to the level of “tits-and-bums” beer commercials, and the open male adoration of bimbos like characters Paz plays is socially acceptable once more.

    Quite sad.

  • Anne

    DUMB SLUT. HOPE SCOTT WEILAND LEAVES YOU DRUNK ASS

  • Unicorn

    I love her!

  • katie

    so glad i found this article to help me justify my strong hatred of her. she is so annoying on boardwalk empire, but i get even more annoyed with her every time i see her as herself. she is horrendous and untalented. hopefully she’ll disappear soon.

  • Fleur

    This girl is like an old plastic bag getting stuffed movie after movie. She makes me feel disgusted even having only 1 year age difference it feels too close.
    Thank you so much for this article, i hate her even more now, and i have more reasons. Her duck mouth, her boobs literaly falling on the screen baaaah!

  • joanna.s

    i dont know what’s all the fuss seems to me like everyone her is a little bit jealous of this fine young woman. her acting in broadwalk empire was brilliant. love her to bits. this tirade by everyones else on this page is by people who have tried to achieve the success Paz de la Huerta has achieved, but have achieved nothing of the sort.

    Paz de la Huerta you are a brilliant role model for aspiring actresses all over the world. I salute you.

  • CLC

    Much like the writer of this piece and the commenters here, I couldn’t believe one woman could be so dense and so ugly and disgusting as Paz seems to be, so I went on the hunt to prove to myself that I was being small minded/jealous/wrong. Unfortunately, for us Boardwalk Empire fans, the girl ain’t acting- she is that gross. I read the full article this author refers to. It paints an ugly picture. I also saw the video clip of Paz talking to interviewers backstage at the SAG awards when Boardwalk Empire won. There were quite a few cast members there who could have intelligently answered the questions being put to them but Paz hogged the microphone and you can actually see the other cast members cringing with embarrassment as she speaks. They talk amongst themselves and trade pained looks and seem to want to shut her up but don’t know how. http://www.tnt.tv/dramavision/?eref=google&oid=84885 It’s a painful video to watch but anyone who praises Paz and says how wonderful she is might want to watch it and her drunk post-party bad behavior videos and *then* make a decision on whether or not she’s worthy of emulation. It’s sad, really. She has so little talent to trade on and what few good looks she has are going to fade damn fast, as is the public’s patience with her attitude. If they recast her character/part on Boardwalk Empire and put in another actress to play Paz’s role I would not shed one tear. Good riddance to bad trash.

  • Nunu
    • CLC

      You’re right, Nunu, she does come across as more decent in that interview. Certainly not as drunk or spun or self important, as she has lately. Thank you for the link and for showing us she’s not *always* nuts.

  • nina herman

    and what about her mouth????

  • Caroline

    When I first read this I was really surprised by the extent to which you will go to hurt someone who makes you uncomfortable about your own insecurities. So what if she is a sexual person who happens to be comfortable with her body and be open about it? It is a free world and she is an adult. I’m surprised you don’t take more of an issue with people who write these gratuitous sex scenes, if this bothers you so much. Furthermore, it just really saddens me how catty women can be over another woman who is out there doing her thing. Why do we feel the need to tear someone out there doing their own thing down? And bully her about her looks? Why is that even a relevant topic???? The whole thing is just so sexist and pathetic.

  • foo

    Funny how all the ‘I hate her to!’ reactions here are made by women.

    • Sophie

      Probably because they don’t want to do her.

  • Jade

    I love Paz de la Huerta! Its funny how men can come out naked in movies or shirtless and no one says anything, but if a woman does, she is a bad actress, a slut, stupid, dumb… the list never ends.

  • CathyC

    You know, I hate her too. I’m not jealous, I am MAD that she has to be so pretentious and NARCISSISTIC all the time. She has that LOOK AT ME< LOOK AT ME behaviour going on all the f-ing time!! Also, she has a weird boob,……..maybe from getting her boobs done??? Check out the link:
    http://www.stylebistro.com/lookbook/Paz+de+la+Huerta/ATe5H0DjXMC

  • skoundrel7

    There is something cool about her..but I have to agree that attention seeking bullshit is really annoying. But I guess to want to be an actor you are a narcissist to begin with so its not really surprising. Also, its refreshing that she doesnt plaster her face with make up, mind you that drunk face she has most times is rather haggard for such a young woman. She also tends to have that sweaty sheen mostly seen on the oversexed. A bit gross, doesnt need to be so blatant..

  • Margarita

    OMG …the girl looks like a normal human being and I might say with the great sense of style. (not like Kim Kardashian )Something like Kate Moss with curves..Typically American, it’s unforgivable for a woman to be a herself and dare to look good..You have to pretend to be a cutie otherwise no one will like you. Get a grip…

  • Kevin

    “WHO USES THEIR OWN NAME AS A RESPONSE TO INDICTMENTS OF THEIR CRAZY BEHAVIOR OTHER THAN CHUCK BASS?”

    Salvador Dali

    Do you really need to say I hate you over and over like a child just to make your point? I think its funny how women are the ones who are usually complaining about Paz.

    • Rose

      You know why women hate her and guys don’t? Because guys can’t see past her tits and through her bullshit

  • Randy

    Paz is hot and a native New Yorker like me. I love her height and amazing ass. She is very seXy to me guys!!

  • sarita

    I’m so late on this but I don’t care, because I’m so annoyed that so many people are all “meh meh meh you women and your jealousies making you hate the ones that are hotter than you!”

    I just want to clarify: there are many, many women who are muuuuuch more gorgeous than me, and I am jealous of many of their looks, but that doesn’t make me hate them. Christina Hendricks? FUCK she’s fine, and I wish I were that fine, but I still love the shit out of her. Amanda Seyfried? Who the FUCK made her that perfect? I would trade bodies with her in a hot second. But I love the shit out of her too.

    Women don’t just walk around spitting fire at anyone who’s attractive. I think it’s ok to hate someone super hot just because they’re an asshole, and not expect everyone to be all “YOU’RE JEALOUS OMG WHY ARE YOU SO ENVIOUS OF HER SEXY SEXINESS, YOU TROLL??”

  • Sophia

    Full disclosure, I’m an exotic dancer and so are 50% of my friends. We’re all “hot” females who use overt sexuality to get desired effects from men, but these Paz excerpts and the comments still makes me want to roll my eyes. There is a such thing as being a naturally sexual and proud of it, but there’s also a such thing as being ostentatious about it. Nothing a sexually manipulative woman does is an accident. Women like this crave your lust more than your c*ck and just want the attention. Women will ploy, and men will fall for it. But for those of us that see through the bullshit, it’s annoying and insulting to our intelligences.

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  • KK Downey

    i’m also a stripper, have a philosophy degree ((i know, mad pretentious, go ahead and hate), work at a software company…

    …and love paz. half the reason i do is because she is so camp and such a nut job and yeah, kinda james franco-y. yeah, she irritates me sometimes in her performances or in shit she says but i’d sooooo rather have people like that as celebrities than say, january jones or renee zellweger. ew.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1340700283 Katherine Elizabeth

    Oh wow, another article shaming a woman for doing wtf she likes because you’re afraid her sexuality makes you look inadequate/you’re jealous that she doesn’t give a fuck. How original.

    Babe, that kind of seething rage only comes out of envy and fear. We all know it.

  • audi

    Jenny fat chick are we?
    Whiny little I can’t get a date.