Oh, it’s dry outside. And cold. And awful. Your lips are all sad and wrinkled and pruney, like a geriatric’s neck waddle. If that neck waddle were made out of sandpaper. And… this analogy really doesn’t hold up.
Anyhow, your lips are gross now. What are you going to do? Grab some ChapStick? God, you’re unoriginal. Everyone in the entire world uses ChapStick. Here. We’ll help you cultivate a pretend personality via unorthodox (and awesome) Chapstick alternatives.