Interior: Office. All furniture is taupe. All mirrors are smeared with Vaseline, and lighting should be minimal and flattering.
BARBARA: Intern? Intern? Where are you?
ASSISTANT 1: Over here. For the last time, I’m an assistant.
BARBARA: Who should I choose for my list of fascinating people?
ASSISTANT 2: Oh, you know who is awesome? Florence Welch. Her music is so innovative, and her style…
Barbara shoots her an icy stare.
Oh, um, I guess you could pick those people from Jersey Shore.
BARBARA: I have heard of that show! Don’t the kids watch it?
ASSISTANT 1: I hate that show.
BARBARA: I thought interns loved the MTV.
ASSISTANT 1: Those Jersey Shore kids are really overexposed. They’re not fascinating – you know everything about all of them already. They would have been a really good pick three years ago, and … actually, wait. Yeah, they’re perfect. I’ll get The Situation’s agent on the phone.
ASSISTANT 2: Oh, that reminds me. J.Lo’s agent called and wants her to be one of the Fascinating People. He said he’d give you a new Chanel suit and make sure she cries during the segment.
BARBARA: Have her mention The View during someone’s critique on American Idol and it’s a deal.