• Tue, Nov 30 2010

Fashion Questions: Why Are These Lanvin Flats Almost $800?

Here’s the Net-a-Porter description of these Lanvin flats:

“Concealed heel measures approximately 25mm/ 1 inch. Take a walk on the wild side in Lanvin’s multicolored calf hair ballerina flats. These fabulous city flats have a cleverly concealed heel that’s designed to discreetly elongate your leg.”

Below I have edited the description such that I might actually be compelled to spend $775 on these Lanvin flats:

“Concealed platinum heel measures approximately 25mm/ 6 inch but looks like 1 and feels like walking on cotton candy pillows tended by microscopic cherubs that gently massage feet and manicure toes . Take the most comfortable walk of your life on the wild side in Lanvin’s multicolored calf hair ballerina flats, made from a unicorn calf whose only want in life was to sacrifice himself such that your feet could be so beautiful, but rest assured he died painlessly and is now scurrying about unicorn heaven, where his effervescent whinny can be heard weaving through the clouds. These unfuckingbelievablyfabulous city flats have a cleverly concealed heel that’s designed to discreetly elongate your leg and trick people into thinking you are an impossibly elegant 6′ Czech teenager with piercing ice-blue eyes and a long mane of thick, lustrous hair. When you wear these flats, you will be a marine-biologist superhero angel, also.”

Sold!

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